A Is For Asshole

A is for Asshole. Yea...so I did this blog challenge last year and it nearly killed me...So what did I do???? I went and signed up for it again...like an asshole. I didn't prep (again) and I think I already have an ulcer just thinking about trying to make it to Z. Oh well....at least for a whole month I will have to write....I haven't really been hitting the keys a lot as of late so perhaps this will get my creative juices flowing. For those of you that know me....I'm sure you were expecting something a little more saucy so here's a little something for you. A is for Asshole....and if you are going to let someone play with your back doorbell make sure you lube that lazy brown eye...spit is free and effective ( I hear Jenna Jameson prefers it)....but if for some reason you are kinky enough for ass play but not for letting your partner lick your butt hole then... A is for AstroGlide.......I guess. You know what...I have a random thought....all guys like ass play...if they say they don't they are full of shit (well you know what I mean)....they just won't admit it...which is dumb....why not ask for what you want??? If they have never tried it...just get them drunk and do it. Think about it....it's only fair...they are always trying to get up our asses but they are too chicken to let us finger fuck theirs. LAME. Trust me...they will love it...millions of gorgeous gay men can't be wrong. Peace Out.

Lost My Appetite...

So....I have a friend who writes this pretty rockin' blog, Bubble Gum On My Shoe. Her writing always pisses me off because it's good...no grammar issues, the spelling is correct, and she is actually interesting. She had this hilarious post awhile back about Dogtopus Soup....yea you read that correctly.

It was a hit and we joked around for some time about how we couldn't find a more disgusting dish if we wanted to. Well guess what.....I stumbled onto one this morning. Yep....just when I thought the food nightmares were behind me I found TURTLE BURGERS!

Oh my hell....who in their right mind would make these??????? You are seriously several forms of nutjob if you do. Don't get me wrong. I have a crazy sense of humor. I do odd shit all the time....but creepy food (that would require my children get mental help) is not one of them! I would feel like some sprouting serial killer if I made these...let alone forced my family to chomp down on one. Bleh. I think I will stick to burning Pop Tarts and ordering pizza.

Menage A Trois????

Well...since I'm totally behind on the A to Z Challenge....I'm going to have a threesome. I'm going to pop off X, Y & Z all at once. I need to admit...it's my first time doing a threesome...I hope my other posts don't get jealous ;) X is for how eXtra eXcited I am to be done with this challenge!! Ok so this is cheating but come on....X is hard! I once said that doing this blog challenge was like having a jealous, broke boyfriend. I still feel this way. It's always there....it's always needing my time and attention....it needs me to do it all and I'm left feeling tired and less then stellar about myself. I am not great at blogging because I have to....I am more of an inspired "writer". So now I can say that I did it and be proud....but I can go back to my usual way of doing things! Yippie! Y is for YOU! All the wonderful people that stopped over to read my posts....even the shitty ones! I made some new friends and most of my usual readers stuck by my side. I appreciate all the support and fun comments. Thank YOU! Z is Zoo animal.....I'm sorta giving you a crap ending here. As of late I have turned face painting into my new hobby. It started as a fun thing to do with my little ones and I liked it. I am in no way an artist yet....but I'm having fun. My kiddos are starting to get sick of me practicing on them so yesterday I used my own face.....I don't like trying to paint myself!....it's harder then I thought.....anyways here is my purple tiger. Why purple??? Because I didn't have orange and I thought it was more Lady Gaga this way. Thanks for stopping by. It's been real. Peace Out!

V

V is for Vulgar.....who me? Noooooo! Just because I have typed up several posts about vaginas, balls, poop, boogers, blow jobs etc and they happen to be littered with multiple cuss words... does not mean that I am vulgar. Wait....I just googled it....I guess I am. My aunt told me if I took all the swear words out of my blog that I would be a hit....but then my posts would be like 2 sentences long and way less colorful. My target audience isn't exactly her crowd anyway....so whatever. You can't please everyone....so I please myself (see even when I'm not trying I still sound naughty....it's a gift). I don't exactly know how this sailor like behavior came about.....I was raised by an old lady and sent to private schools and yet here I am throwing out more F bombs then George Carlin and Bob Saget combined. I am in no way saying that I am talented like they are....but I like their style. So....like it or not...this is me. If you don't like it....don't fucking read it. Peace Out!

A Is For Abracadabra

A is for Abracadabra.....want to know why? Because it's going to take some major magic to get me to the end of this A To Z Challenge. I seriously have no idea why I am doing this....I have horrible writing skills, I'm unorganized, I'm a super duper procrastinator so signing up for this was straight stupid on my behalf. It was a total moment of weakness....between the peer pressure of some fellow bloggers (you know who you are) and some boxed wine I decided to try it.

I've already checked out some of the other challengers...and their shit is legit. I'm screwed! In honor of my inevitable crash and burn I'm gonna raise my plastic, polka dot goblet filled with cheap zinfandel and try to blow this hot mess I've gotten myself into out of the water....tired mom style!

So, buckle up and let's see where this crazy magic carpet ride takes us. Hmmmm...I guess they probably don't have seat belts on a magic carpets...perhaps wear protective gear like shin guards and helmets. Peace Out!