tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49764260770707095502024-02-21T08:34:47.614-06:00Life And Times Of a Tired MomThe Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.comBlogger169125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-71461388265972104132015-11-16T11:01:00.000-06:002015-11-16T11:01:02.039-06:00Type One Dia-Bad-Ass <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX3q8ftnCPGclTcsQ8zSp7Pmc6xokHsiNyzuXG_2zH5046qD7yTACRkRBK_7oYCMqfOIsbqVbqMXE_s8i6Y8nYnzU5XhHX9nvt7QAGExnRtDHqb60f-t1UMYntJzAB7jqYTThnb4xTpcFI/s1600/hulalove.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX3q8ftnCPGclTcsQ8zSp7Pmc6xokHsiNyzuXG_2zH5046qD7yTACRkRBK_7oYCMqfOIsbqVbqMXE_s8i6Y8nYnzU5XhHX9nvt7QAGExnRtDHqb60f-t1UMYntJzAB7jqYTThnb4xTpcFI/s320/hulalove.jpg" /></a>
November is Diabetes awareness month.....I happen to have a Type 1 Diabetic child aka a T1D. She was diagnoses late last April....to be honest it's all still new and yet already old hat. I have to tell you....I fucking hate diabetes. I hate that she can't just grab a muffin and eat it on the way to school. She has to check her blood and count her carbs and then shoot up the proper amount of insulin then eat. Oh then we all pray it works...because in the world of diabetes..no matter what you do, no matter how on point you are....everything changes constantly and every damn thing affects you.
While your kid packs his bag...stuffing in homework and gaming device and wonders what excuse he will give the teacher as to why he didn't do his homework....my T1D does all that and checks her emergency snacks, glucose monitor, test strips, insulin and double checks that her medical alert bracelet is on....oh and her "excuse" as to why something wasn't done or why she is late is because she was high or low and up all night correcting it....you know life and death...
While your daughter comes home upset because someone didn't like her shoes....mine comes home and cries because a classmate told her she does all this testing and snacks and resting and water drinking and multiple nurse trips just to get attention. (I know it's wrong to want to punch a child in the face...so I will just pray that a squirrel bites him on the ass).... Your child can get new shoes...my child will always be diabetic.
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You put your children on the bus...grab coffee and head to work or whatever...I say a prayer that in the time she's on the bus nothing goes wrong...because there is no one there to help her...and I just want her to be where there is someone trained to assist her.... Yes I could drive her everyday...but she wants to be normal for 20 minuets a day...it's something I think about everyday. Her health is important but so is her heart and her soul. I do my best to balance it all....
You finish watching The Big Bang Theory and head off to bed for a solid 6-7 hours....I get up at 2am to check her blood and usually there is some correction to be made....either I wake her up to eat and then recheck and recheck again because I won't sleep if I'm not sure....or if she's high....I wake her so she can take insulin, drink water and walk around the neighborhood to get her blood levels down...oh then check and re check...... sweet dreams.
You have your kids play outside while you do laundry etc..I watch mine like a hawk in case she gets a sudden low.....I get nothing done.
You wonder if your child should get a new gaming system and how to pay for that...I long for a dex com but know I can't afford the co pays that come with it and pray to win the lottery.
Even with all this....my girl is amazing....she won't let anyone dose her...she takes control...she does get pissy but who wouldn't. She hula hoops like a pro, she swims like mermaid, she crafts, she loves the beach and time with friends.... She sings like no one is listening and just wants to love everyone.....I'm so very proud of my T1D ...she's a badass...
So while you plan your holidays....do me a favor...count all the carbs....add them up and think...whoa...I can eat all this and just be happy with my family. My family will be skipping a few of the usual sides this year....going lower carb... making sure she doses correctly and hoping that she doesn't get some weird reaction to green bean casserole. I am thankful that I even get to rant all over the place about this...... I don't want your pity...I don't want your help...I want you to be fully aware that this could happen to your child. PLEASE know the signs...please be patient with parents who have a child that requires extra attention...we are edgy from lack of sleep and being in a constant state of Momma Bear. Please pray for a cure. Thank you.
Peace Out.
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The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-54786788711654490292015-08-28T22:34:00.001-05:002015-08-28T22:34:13.288-05:00What The F*ck Was That????<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdznhyphenhyphenbspzlTF_bwCEt0R-3XkfMKxgwkkcYQ6bNfScYew9bLfEmMXYKkuN-7NytcwsJQyRiQy1s3Fa8SunmLyKjzAsr_qhS6af4Tc-8M34PRmNRk7oO5elKmJn7HNfXetJH69fp_jhuqUS/s1600/11041651_10205558583418479_2268908873930947925_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdznhyphenhyphenbspzlTF_bwCEt0R-3XkfMKxgwkkcYQ6bNfScYew9bLfEmMXYKkuN-7NytcwsJQyRiQy1s3Fa8SunmLyKjzAsr_qhS6af4Tc-8M34PRmNRk7oO5elKmJn7HNfXetJH69fp_jhuqUS/s320/11041651_10205558583418479_2268908873930947925_n.jpg" /></a></div>
Some of the best sex you will ever have...will get totally ruined by...queefing. It's a fact. It's like Mother Nature's joke on you for getting your freak on. Just when you get a little adventurous & try a new, hot position...queef.
Just when you are grinding out the best orgasm of your life ...extra long queef. It sucks....and no one fucking tells you about them! In fact... once I thought about it....I realized that I didn't even tell myself about them. I had my first queef at 15. No not because I was getting diddled by JV quarterback....boys didn't like me much in high school (not even the one that knocked me up). I cried a lot back then and when I wasn't crying I was being like a huge bitch....so it's really not that different from the way I am now except my boobs were smaller....I wasn't exactly super popular with the boys. Okay so back to my non sexual queef....it was during dance practice...I use to be cute and fit....and yes on the dance team.....we were doing some stretches...like trying to get our feet over our heads (that sounds strippery but I promise it's not...we did jazz dances to christian rap music...stop laughing.) and I guess my body bent too funny and when I brought my leg down...queef. OH MY GOD...of course my freaking nemesis heard it and yelled out -EEWWWW Did You Just Fart?! - here's the deal....I was so freaked out by the fact that the fart sound came from my vagina...which by the way I was still so young I didn't say the word vagina yet...pretty sure I just called it....my down there.... I was so freaked out about my Down There noise - that I said yes...I farted..and tried to laugh it off. It wasn't till years later after I was dis mounting a top position that it happened again and I freaked the fuck out!!! There was no Google yet...I couldn't just look up Down There Farts in the encyclopedia....I don't have sisters and I lacked in the close friend department because of the whole crying lunatic/raging bitch thing. As time went on and that whole internet idea got popular.. that and I acquired a few BFFs to chat with....I now know queefing is totally normal and yet still so embarrassing. Like even when I just have sex with myself and it happens I get all out of sorts....like the Miguel 3.0 with 8 speeds really gives a rat's ass if I toot from my lady parts....smh. But hey- I have advice...... you can get on Fet Life and find guys that are into it....You can make your lover wear noise cancelling headphones....You can shut your legs and not have this type of incident at all or you can just learn to laugh it off. Here's the deal fellas....if she sounds like the marching band's brass section lives in her coo-ka-loo.....you are probably doing something right...just take it as a round of applause. If she get's a little weirded out....be a gentlemen and pretend you didn't hear it. We know you did but we are more likely to touch your wiener again if you just play dumb.
Who the hell came up with the word queef anyway??? I suppose I could Google that as well.....but couldn't it be called something a little nicer like....tra la la la la?
Oh I'm so embarrassed....I totally tra la la la-ed during intercourse....oh heavens.
Yea....I like tra la la la la better.
Now...I know there are going to be handful of you ladies out there that will swear to the fact that you do not.....tra la la la la....you are big fat liar faces. I don't care how tight your shit is....because believe me I do my kegals and I can squeeze the life out of a Slurpee straw....we all do it from time to time. IF YOU TRULY DO NOT EVER QUEEF....YOU ARE HAVING BORING SEX!!! Think about it.....Peace out. The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-3828772812598572992015-08-04T16:29:00.001-05:002015-08-04T16:35:46.763-05:00Midnight Snack
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As a tired mom...no nothing has changed there. Still a mom and still tired. Now to up the ante I now have a diabetic. Just a few short months ago my middle child...was diagnosed with T1D. I'm sure you will see more posts regarding that. For the sake of this one...it means waking up at 2am to check her blood....praying that there aren't corrections to be made....that she's all good and we can sleep. Some nights we are not so fortunate...like last night. I check her...she's low....I give her juice and crackers- while this is all going on the cat, Big Fluff decides he is going to weave around my ankles and push into me. No not to show me love or support....I know him all to well...it's to let me know he wants food. I need to wait 15 min to recheck my T1 Diva so I go and inspect his food....he literally prances along next to me with excitement.- His bowl is "empty" ....not like there is nothing in it....like he took 5 whole morsels out of one side and has determined that it is now empty. Really?? Okay...fine I will feed you....mostly so that you will leave me alone when I go back to poke at my kiddo again. Here's where shit gets real. He sees me going for the bag...and he stretches his neck up real high like he's seeing God or something and is in pure amazement.....he hears me digging with the cup and he drops to the floor... BAM!!...drag queen death drop style. As I walk back to the food dish he starts rolling around like a stripper on the stage of seedy truck stop strip club and it's the day before rent is due....legs all stretched out and up in the air. Are you kidding me?....Have some class Fluff. As I get closer you can actually hear him start to purr....what a little food slut....and as I go to pour the food into his dish....WHACK!!!! He headbutts my hand the food falls out all over the place!!!!! Annoyed and tired I yell at him.... "FASSHOLE!" ....yep fasshole.... I friggen combined the words...Fat Asshole...not on purpose ..which really kinda pissed me off. Not only was your dish not anywhere near empty yet you pretend to love me for food....you charm your way into getting me to feed you at 2am ..you roll around like Craigslist hooker and then you have the balls to knock the shit out of my hand so you can start to gobble down your meow mix like those weirdos at the Nathan's hotdog eating contests....I'm so annoyed that I can't even speak words.....FASSHOLE!
I wanted to rub his head in his food and ask him....Is this what you like??? But it seemed a little much and sorta pervy.
I contemplated a drink but I had to get up in 3 hours and still have a kid to tend to....so Like A Boss...I cleaned up the spilled meow mix and told him I liked Dita better (our other asshole cat)....showed him right? Sigh.
I know by design I'm supposed to be cat lady...but sometimes I really hate them.
BTW....an hour later my Darling Diabetic finally was stable enough for me to go back to sleep.....where I laid there listening to my FASSHOLE cat snore and plotted my revenge.....Unicorn Costume! Mwahahahaha!
Peace Out.
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The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-16379620650190454352015-04-01T22:26:00.001-05:002015-04-01T22:26:44.106-05:00I Could Just Shit... So...I'm watching Bubble Guppies with my young children and my grand babies and this La La Loopsy commercial comes on. Cool. I love those dolls. Some of them are pretty rad.....right???
NOPE...like NOPE. This particular doll.....SHITS OUT A CHARM! THEN YOUR CHILD TAKES IT OUT OF IT'S PANTS AND WEARS THE FUCKING CHARM!
Are you kidding me?!!!!!!????
What kind of 50 shades of fetish bullshit is with this? What friggen dumbasses at the LalaLoopsy factory thought this was a brilliant idea....no one along the way said..hey this is gross and kinky as fuck and we should all get canned for even thinking it's ok.
Let's think back here....remember when they wanted to take the drunks and wenches out of the Pirates Of The Caribbean ride at Disney? I guess so that young, impressionable children wouldn't think it's ok to grow up to be drunk whores or something.....but hey....digging for things to wear out of some steaming, hot shit....now that's totally ok. WTF.
Obviously Susie The Charm Crapper will not be on the list for Santa this year..... neither will the wiener dog game that apparently takes a dump on the board. What happened to thing's like pick up sticks...not that my demon spawn even pick up their room much less a bunch of pointy damn sticks I just paid $7.99 for. Perhaps the answer is....wine...lots of cheap boxed wine (for me not the kids you idiot) Because...well I loved those dirty wenches at Disney!!!! Peace Out! The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-50745768511107709482014-07-04T11:57:00.000-05:002014-07-04T11:57:13.458-05:00Old, Fat & Distracted Yes...I have been gone awhile....my bad.
I want to be a cat...a house cat...not a lion or cougar (well maybe a cougar in the terms of having a fine young hottie..nah...young people piss me off...nevermind) When you're a cat it's ok to be just ridiculously fat...people LOVE a big rolly polly cat. The chunkier the better. You get to lounge around the house all day just fat as hell and lazy... people think it's the best thing ever. BUT if you are a human and obese they hate you and tell you to go away. #nofatties Also if you are a voluptuous cat you don't have to wear clothes...fat girls gotta cover up or people are all....GROSS!!! Cover up your cankles!!!! (BTW I may have a bit of a cankle but my ass is amazing....)
I think maybe I should find a BBW worshiper with an animal fetish...it's called Plushy Love or something....I could put on ears and a tail...we could play one of those fantasy scenes where he saves me from the pound, brings me home, puts me on the bed... he starts scratching my belly....
Sorry that's as far as my fantasy gets...not because I can't get kinky....HELLO...middle aged lady here....I am in my prime!!! I just have very undocumented yet wildly witnessed ADHD..so right when I get to the good stuff I'm all like....<b>I should totally look up cat costumes on Pinterest!!!!!</b> Then I get to the PC and decide to check FB first...only to start scrolling down and see all the skinny girls from high school posting marathon pics and talking about yoga...so I get all depressed and find a cupcake. (crackheads are stupid...cupcakes are totally the best high ever) After the cupcake I grab a glass of wine and sit on my sad little exercise bike and listen to some Robin Thicke (who would never fuck a fat girl)....tears run down my face while I hate myself and chug my cheap wine. Then Nicki Minage hits the Pandora and bam...I have hope.....She has a huge ass and is wickedly loved ....I start picking up the pace & ride that little bike like it's Adam Levine (before he had blonde hair)......I feel amazing...there is hope!!!
Half hour later I'm all laying on the floor in a puddle of sweat, crying for another cupcake and wishing I was a cat :( FML
Peace Out
The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-66957435067344194982013-04-16T11:29:00.003-05:002013-04-16T11:29:54.516-05:00L & ML & M....L is for Lazy...and M is for masturbation. Yes for me they go together....
I am too lazy to masturbate....I hate it. I really really hate it. Not only do I have to do all the work to get myself off but then I have to wash my hand when I'm done...I can't just fall asleep. Why diddle myself anyways....it's not the same as getting some good oral or sex from a guy...and toys are dumb...I can't feel sexy while fucking a purple plastic dick with rabbit ears hanging off of it...I'd rather just drink a bottle of wine...watch 21 Jumpstreet and pass the fuck out.
Maybe I'm weird....but didn't y'all already figure that out??? Its just not my thing...but I think a good cheesecake can fix any kind of pent up sexual frustrations I have... sorry about the TMI but I'm running out of ideas for this challenge so...Peace Out!The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-82080193481655420442013-04-13T18:09:00.000-05:002013-04-13T18:09:30.512-05:00J & K J & K stand for Just Kidding....because I don't have anything....I am so behind and not feeling wicked creative so....
I thought J would be for jacking off...but I decided that M would be for masturbation ...well I guess I could still use Jacking off because M was only about me...and jacking off implies guys.
What are your thoughts on dudes jerking it??? I think if they are in a relationship with me then they don't need to unless I ask them too for my entertainment.....or I am mad at them and am not giving up the honey pot...then fine...whack it....but you better be thinking of my boobies....
Guys all have this technique of jerking that I can not seem to replicate....so I am not into giving handjobs.....no way it can compare to their years and years of stroking it for themselves.....
K.....what was K going to be about??? I don't know....Kangaroos??? Kegels??? OH....knowing me K was for Kinky..... I have found as I get older that my idea of Kinky has changed.... When I was a teen I wouldn't have sex in the light and I was only on bottom....now....well I still don't like the lights...my ass is massive....wish I had enjoyed my body in the light when I was younger...oh well. But things that would have freaked me out even in my 20's...now not so much...but I will never get into being peed on....or having extras...sex is for 2 people....I would lose my mind if two penises were trying to poke at me and I really don't want any vagina in my face. If that's your thing...then good for you...I will stick to fingering buttholes, slapping people around and my pierced nipples....
Well it's the weekend....y'all go have a few drinks and jack off or get kinky.....just make sure to tell me all about it! Peace Out!The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-74866659293238760702013-04-13T17:39:00.000-05:002013-04-13T17:39:19.431-05:00I Don't Like It...Icky I is for Icky Things.....I find all sorts of things to be icky. I have already blogged about most of them but there is always something new to gross me out....here is a short list that quickly comes to mind.
Women who wear flesh colored stretch pants....well dudes too....I don't care what body type you have...it's not flattering. Please refrain.
Guys who drop their nuts on other guys...I blame the Jackass crew for this fad...it is not funny....just stop you sick sick fucks.
When my dog eats my tampons....
Port O Potties....
Women who wear those big, knee high boots, with their jeans all tucked in. You look like Peter Pan...plus that is a lot of work to get off..your pussy better be worth the work...plus I bet your feet smell now.....it's just ICKY!
The cast of Jersey Shore...
Uncircumcised penises.....
& sardines....
What do y'all find to be ICKY??? Peace Out!
The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-68585852015676602852013-04-10T22:55:00.001-05:002013-04-10T22:55:37.624-05:00H is for Harry Best cat ever....except he's a dickhead. Thank God my daughter took him.
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixkY8IRjsT9Vj64xIcBkEiVPaivSR6UpUb2OyLy0LojJODk-j-uaJQLsYGJ5GM8dZknJPDmgxYIIsbnkDpywGBBf5XBl6Bnbx1F7PlDwjjO8CckSlyHac3FX6rowhxsZR8pTRv08GlMRK4/s1600/IMG952390.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixkY8IRjsT9Vj64xIcBkEiVPaivSR6UpUb2OyLy0LojJODk-j-uaJQLsYGJ5GM8dZknJPDmgxYIIsbnkDpywGBBf5XBl6Bnbx1F7PlDwjjO8CckSlyHac3FX6rowhxsZR8pTRv08GlMRK4/s320/IMG952390.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD6XvmdLu-GLi7KKj_H_9qd2zx5aiW-YLSZpKIZq3SI0G0VmmyLgi9pNX5EDCVBRIaDcyCPggLP9TnMDzq3FwCaSmQ2MzpueK4n03fbNkD3kOG3ghsCn69FdPjQHAVKWL94-1ONkEjae_s/s1600/IMG952303.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD6XvmdLu-GLi7KKj_H_9qd2zx5aiW-YLSZpKIZq3SI0G0VmmyLgi9pNX5EDCVBRIaDcyCPggLP9TnMDzq3FwCaSmQ2MzpueK4n03fbNkD3kOG3ghsCn69FdPjQHAVKWL94-1ONkEjae_s/s320/IMG952303.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2xYgGkrXvuE9Ogll4QtMk9PdpJolQ_8e2xLrnLQ-ftO_ufFFoPYt1N-zcEW2isWuWETisZjTuy8-AYhVKC16IPmX7NLKa7WiPOYyCNHqLU-_KK9bTT3J_z37ntYJW1eEgwAtO__rp3GEY/s1600/IMG952204-picsay.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2xYgGkrXvuE9Ogll4QtMk9PdpJolQ_8e2xLrnLQ-ftO_ufFFoPYt1N-zcEW2isWuWETisZjTuy8-AYhVKC16IPmX7NLKa7WiPOYyCNHqLU-_KK9bTT3J_z37ntYJW1eEgwAtO__rp3GEY/s320/IMG952204-picsay.jpg" /></a>The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-40523653677776632892013-04-09T17:33:00.002-05:002013-04-09T17:33:58.663-05:00F & G Ok...So since I'm a little bit behind....I'm and going to combine F & G....my bad y'all.
F&G stand for FLORIDA GATORS!!!! Yep....I'm a big fan...Love me some Florida Gator football.
Wow...that was easy...now I'm all done. Have a great day.
Just Kidding....
F stands for Fetish. Anyone got any good sexual fetishes???? I don't think I do...I wish I did. They sound like so much fun. Don't get me wrong...I have preferences....but I don't get off over getting fed like a baby or anything....actually I don't like when food and sex mix...it freaks me out.
I personally think I fit a few common fetishes that other people have....I have adorable tattooed feet, I'm chubby (ok I'm fat but I'm cute and have a huge ass), I have long hair (on my head) and I have some piercings....none of that was aimed at pleasing anyone but myself...but since I dig it on me...I can see why others would get all hot and bothered by it.
I think Germans have the sickest fetishes...I have nothing to back that hypothesis up...it's really just a hunch. I am not German...I'm boring....I'm Finnish...told ya I was boring...I think our only fetish is dessert bars....(why the fuck do people always put nuts in those???)
G is for G Spot....fellas....you should find it....
Well....that covers that....see ya for H...that should be a friggen nightmare to figure out. Peace Out!The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-39954218599951601072013-04-06T17:37:00.000-05:002013-04-06T17:37:04.644-05:00E....E is for Eventually ....because I may be late posting for the challenge from time to time (like this one) but I will get to it Eventually. lol
Ok...let's be honest...E is really for Ejaculation. Weather it's male or female (also known as squirting but that sounds so damn awful) it's the sincerest form of flattery. Some say imitation is but I'd say blowing a load is a damn good way of saying...HEY, YOU FUCK GREAT! (or oral or anal etc.)
Nothing hotter than knowing someone is thinking of you while they pleasure themselves.....and considering all the porn, playboy type magazines and sluts out there....having someone cum all over their bedspread over you is super "sweet" ....
Now granted none of this is aimed at anyone under 22...dudes cum if the wind changes until then and girls should wait till at least 22 before throwing their lives away for a big O (trust me) ..
I do have a question....how come only some dudes pre cum????? I prefer it....I know I'm going in the right direction so to speak ;) Oh wait....maybe they all do and I just use to suck at foreplay...damn now I'm sad.....balls.
Well...I'm off to think of an F post....enjoy blasting the batter...Peace Out!
The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-46544424341876031972013-04-04T21:51:00.000-05:002013-04-04T21:51:13.981-05:00D is for Damn It...D is for Damn It...yea...I totally spaced today. My bad. D could have been awesome too. Like maybe Dildo or Donuts....probably donuts because I'm really hungry right now. Oh well... Better luck to me for E. Peace Out!The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-82159203265298108522013-04-03T18:46:00.001-05:002013-04-03T18:46:40.477-05:00C Is For CunnilingusC is for Cunnilingus ....I know...I am always talking about sex stuff...it's because my mind is always always always in the gutter and if I had to pick something other than sex stuff C would be for Crap because that's all I got. I thought about it all day and had pondered doing Cake (I fucking love cake)...I even made one..the kids helped frost it but nothing ridiculously exciting happened. No fires, no eggs in the eyes....nada. So...that would be a tad bit boring.
So here I am with C is for Cunnilingus...which is fine with me...it's one of my favorite things. It's right up there with boxed wine and cake. If I could have all three at once I would be soooo happy....well no...I thrash around like that chick in the exorcist so it would probably get really messy and I already do enough laundry..so maybe we will leave the snacks out if it.
Isn't it sad when someone goes down on you and it sucks???? You just lay there knowing that if this is bad...then the sex will be probably be bad too...so you debate if you should just grab your panties and go. Why chance a bad lay??? All guys think they rock at it too and well...not everyone is a rockstar. Most can be taught if you feel like putting the time in...but you must shame them...no one wants to be bad at licking pussy....so don't lie and be like Oh it's awesome...then they won't want direction....just be honest and say, Hey this is awful....if you want me to cum you need to actually find my clit!
But...when it's good it's good and is great for when you don't want to get totally undressed or when you don't have a lot of time but just need to get off....
If your partner does not like to go downtown to chow then you need to kick them to the curb and beat them with a bat....well not the beating part....then you will go to jail and end up giving cunnilingus to some huge chick named Pat...no fun!
Well...I hope I have rambled on enough for this post...I'm going to go have cake now. Peace Out!The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-46403773779894471572013-04-02T18:57:00.000-05:002013-04-02T18:57:09.999-05:00B Is For Bullshit B is for...Bullshit....once again I have nothing. SIGH. I was going to talk about boogers because I caught my neighbor walking her dog while she was knuckle deep...I laughed hysterically and she got pissed...not sure why she was irritated at me....I fucking hate her and she was doing something disgusting so I laughed. But as you can see that was a quick story so I have nothing left to talk about except some bullshit.....
I think my loyal followers expected me to talk about boobies....but that's been done....and since mine are too small for good titty sex the boob subject is sorta sad for me.....
But I do love boobies....I don't think that makes me weird....I can appreciate a nice rack (natural or paid for).....and I won't lie...sometimes I would like to appreciate them with my hands.....just a quick squeeze or two. Nothing I couldn't do in public...Boobs are great...unless... they are not. I hate when I'm watching a show or a movie and all of a sudden there are boobs but then it's like....OH NO! What the fuck is wrong with her nipples???!!!! I don't think guys have this issue..they are too busy pre cumming in their boxers. Dudes love boobs...all boobs...especially if they get to play with them. Women on the other hand are picky....if we are going to cross that line and motorboat some chick....she better have the sweetest tits ever....I have yet to motorboat someone....I'm saving myself for Sophia Vergara....unless she unleashes those puppies and her nips freak me out...then I would just honk em quick and run to the nearest bar and drink my sorrows away.
Well...I'd say that's enough Bullshit for this post...wish me luck for tomorrow. Peace Out! The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-81370570583230526412013-04-01T18:25:00.000-05:002013-04-01T18:25:04.069-05:00A Is For AssholeA is for Asshole. Yea...so I did this blog challenge last year and it nearly killed me...So what did I do???? I went and signed up for it again...like an asshole. I didn't prep (again) and I think I already have an ulcer just thinking about trying to make it to Z. Oh well....at least for a whole month I will have to write....I haven't really been hitting the keys a lot as of late so perhaps this will get my creative juices flowing.
For those of you that know me....I'm sure you were expecting something a little more saucy so here's a little something for you.
A is for Asshole....and if you are going to let someone play with your back doorbell make sure you lube that lazy brown eye...spit is free and effective ( I hear Jenna Jameson prefers it)....but if for some reason you are kinky enough for ass play but not for letting your partner lick your butt hole then... A is for AstroGlide.......I guess.
You know what...I have a random thought....all guys like ass play...if they say they don't they are full of shit (well you know what I mean)....they just won't admit it...which is dumb....why not ask for what you want??? If they have never tried it...just get them drunk and do it. Think about it....it's only fair...they are always trying to get up our asses but they are too chicken to let us finger fuck theirs. LAME. Trust me...they will love it...millions of gorgeous gay men can't be wrong.
Peace Out. The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-35747732361966346572013-03-20T10:56:00.001-05:002013-03-20T10:56:06.005-05:00Review Of...Red StateSo I very rarely do reviews of things...like books and movies...mostly because no one gives a shit what I think. But for some reason I feel the want/need to put a review out about this movie. Let me start with why I even watched it...
I like Kevin Smith....I'm not like a super fan and know all his work inside and out but I dig the dude and his attitude...plus he was on Degrassi ;) Anyways.....I came across a more recent Q&A thing he did on Netflix (damn I love Netflix!!!!) and he spoke a lot about this movie he did, Red State. I was all WTF??? Why have I not heard about this movie? I guess too much Gilmore Girls on Netflix. So the Q&A things was great and so out of major curiosity I looked for the movie....SCORE...it too was on Netflix......so my reaction/review of Red State:
FUCK YEA MOTHERFUCKER! It was brilliant....the cast was just beyond awesome...like your first screaming O awesome. I was impressed by every single person in the movie. The writing was fantastic.....I love that Kevin tackled this and did such a genius job with it. Was it fucked up and crazy....fuck yes....total batshit.
I have zero clue if this flick won any awards (I'm too lazy to Gooogle) but I really hope it did....screenplay, best actor, supporting actor etc.... My guess is no...only because I watch most award shows and I don't really remember anything about it....however I'm usually pretty drunk during those so....who knows.
I think some of my more reserved friends won't really dig it.....it's got some filth to it....I hope that doesn't keep the majority of people from checking it out.... I wish I could ask Kevin if I was suppose to find some of it hysterical??? Maybe I did because of my upbringing or I'm a twisted fuck....who knows.
If you want a synopsis...I'm not great at doing those I tend to spoil shit....let me try: "Christian" Fuckers....
IDK...look on IMDB...they do a better job....well it is their job so..
If y'all watch it let me know your thoughts. Peace Out. The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-56235083216535621312013-03-19T09:08:00.000-05:002013-03-19T09:08:51.751-05:00Counting Sheep...Sort Of Don't you hate when you can't fall asleep and the weirdest, random shit pops up in your head? Does this even happen to anyone else or is it just me with some form of Adult ADHD?? Anyways...I was tired...like balls tired but could not fall asleep and all of a sudden I was like, I haven't seen my cupcake maker...I wonder where it is. Then my thoughts just spiraled all over the place....
Why haven't I seen my cupcake maker?
Did it make the move?
(I hear a big truck outside)
Oh fuck I bet my cupcake maker is a transformer!
It would have to be a girl one because it's pink.
There is only one girl transformer right???
I will Google it in the morning.
That's so sexist...
Michael Bay is going to get a Tweet from me bout it!
Wait did Michael Bay even do those movies...is that even his name?
I will IMDB it in the morning too.
Fuck I'm so hungry...I want a peanut butter sandwich.
Not going in the kitchen....other shit might be transformers too.
I wonder what other appliances are...I hope it's not the toaster oven..that would freak me out.
I bet my stupid phone is a transformer too and that's why I can't find that fucker from time to time.
Oh my god, If my phone is a transformer I will never be president...all my FB updates, tweets, texts, emails....it thinks I'm a perv!
I still really want a sandwich.
Too tired to brave the kitchen.
I wish I had a cat....
Why was the only girl transformer such a whore???
I bet my cupcake maker is out whoring around too...
Where do transformers go to party?
(I hear a sound...don't be the kids...don't be the kids...shit I better go check....no idea)
Damn...while I was up I should have made a sandwich.
I bet my phone when it transforms hides my flip flops on me....fucker.
My flat iron obviously is the worst transformer ever....it can hardly heat up anymore...POS.
I need to shave my legs.
Whoa...how scary would it be if my EpiLady was a transformer???
Why am I even thinking about transformers?
Oh...yea..Signs was on earlier.....I think I could maybe handle aliens if they were transformers.
They don't seem like they are interested in butt rape.
I think it would be cool if those Barbie Jeeps were transformers and then beat the crap out of bullies.
Mac and cheese sounds good.
And then I fell asleep.
I think I should have just had a glass of wine and watched Pitch Perfect again. Peace Out. The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-42598807931978409852012-10-29T13:32:00.000-05:002012-10-29T13:32:14.022-05:00Period PreparednessAlright fellas.....if y'all have a wife or girlfriend...friend with benefits...you obviously will find from time to time (like one week a month...duh) her box of tampons sitting out on the bathroom counter. This means more than just a week of masturbation for you.....I'm going to break it down for you so that you can survive the 5-7 days of red river rapids.
The 10 Things Men Should Know When The Tampon Box Is On The Bathroom Counter:
1. You are not funny....it is not ok to crack a joke of any sort....especially about her. Don't go there....this will end in one of two ways....you will send her into a tear filled depression only to be fixed by watching The Notebook over and over again OR you will get stabbed in the face. So save your "funny" shit for Twitter.
2. You should bring home chocolate.
3. Your new favorite phrase is: Damn Baby, you look so skinny! Any other compliment will backfire and will end in the same one of two ways as #1.
4. There is nothing wrong with finding her on the living room floor with 3 bottles of wine...she may not even have a glass....just smile and say the phrase from #3. Any other approach will end in the same one of two ways from #1.
5. You should bring home more chocolate.
6. Your new favorite movie is Twilight. You may even want to watch it for the the next 5-7 days because it's the most epic love story of our time....and then as you press play on the Blu Ray player you say the phrase from #3 and smile.
7. Sweat pants are sexy....she looks amazing in them....you are going to buy her more because they look so good. Then you say the phrase from #3.
8. You should buy some more chocolate.
9. You are stupid....let's face it....just about everything you say is going to be wrong....just remember these words: You're right Baby. I'm so sorry... Any other version will end in the same one of two ways as #1.
10. Get more chocolate and as you hand it to her say the phrase from #3.
Good luck....hope you don't get stabbed. Unless you are an insensitive douche face...then you deserve it. Peace Out.
The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-25395158241674055982012-10-01T10:45:00.000-05:002012-10-01T10:45:23.768-05:0022 Positions In A One Night StandSo...in a half drunk channel flipping evening I had over the weekend I saw something (I think) about someone getting 3 wishes but they only lasted 24 hours. I got to thinking about what I would do. I thought of several things....my first husband being covered in red ants, having my high school nemesis covered in hair, The Kardasians plagued with flesh eating bacteria....etc etc etc....but none of those really made me feel exceptionally happy....perhaps a bit delighted but not truly happy. After tons of thought I have my 3 wishes.
1. That all of my family and friends have one day of total bliss. No toe stubbing, all green lights, no financial worries etc etc etc. If only for one day I want all my loved ones to have just a phenomenal time.
2. I want anyone who hurts children to pass very large kidney stones.
3. I want to have a penis and balls.
That's right....I NEED to know what it's like. I want to pee standing up wherever I want....outside, in a plant, off a bridge etc... I want to know what it feels like to "free ball", what it feels like to do jumping jacks with a dick swinging. I know how I feel when I get turned on but I can't even guess what it's like to have an erection...it's fascinating to me. Plus...think of all the inside info I could get....I would finally figure out how to give a decent hand job! I defiantly want to have sex with it....but I think it would be hard to find someone who will let me....after all...I only wished for a penis and balls...which means I still look like me. Kinda hard to find someone who will let me poke them. I would ask one of my friends but that would seriously change our relationship.....but come one.....I finally have a chance to feel what the big deal is...what millions of men have begged for, songs have been written about and wars have been fought over...ok maybe not but still the vagina has caused some epic issues. If I could experience the honey hole as a dude I most definitely would. But mostly I just want to walk around in a towel and then swing my cock around in circles...men always seem to do that....I don't understand why...it looks really stupid but since it's something they all do...I must try it.
I'm sure there are several bad things that I would experience while having a penis....getting it caught in my zipper, squishing my balls and premature ejaculation but that would be helpful too....maybe be I could be more empathetic to male issues.....BWAHAHAHAHAHA....ok probably not....I'm sure I would just use that info for evil purposes..but hey I already used one of my wishes for something good....my sweet side has it's limits.
So....to all my lady friends out there....if I somehow manage to find a genie to grant me my three wishes and I get my penis for a day and you find it in your heart to let me fuck you....I will totally not be wearing a condom.....they say bareback is the way to ride!!!! Peace out!The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-52051464646660008792012-08-12T09:54:00.000-05:002012-08-12T09:55:24.959-05:00OMG STFUApparently I have terrible text etiquette....but that shouldn't shock most of you since in general I have poor life etiquette at best. I get a lot of...why didn't you text me back? Here's the deal....there are 5 reasons I may not have gotten back to your text...
1. I just assumed the conversation was over. Example: YOU: Hey ME: Wud Up? YOU: Going to the store. ME: Buy me some chips YOU: lol.....................at this point I think we are done....like you are really going to buy me a bag of Ruffles and unless you wanted advice on something...which you should have included in the 2nd text... then there isn't a lot more to say.
2. I'm annoyed at you. This usually only applies to men....males tend to say stupid things on accident and so I just ignore them for awhile.....
3. I got distracted.....this is the 2nd most common reason I didn't return your text....I saw it pop up but then the dog peed in the hall or the kids stepped on a Capri Sun, a commercial I like came on the TV, I saw something sparkly....the list goes on and on and on....then 9 hours later I remembered you sent a text and by then it's like....whatever. So if it's important....text again.....super simple.
4. My phone died....this is the most common reason...I have 2 batteries and I blow that shit up quick....my phone is always dead....always always always.....always.The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-61122593792814534462012-08-02T12:44:00.000-05:002012-08-02T12:46:07.195-05:00Sadistic Game Of Twister...Or Just Grooming?Women do stupid things to make themselves feel pretty.....I am a woman and I do stupid shit all the time....I pay money to get my hair a certain color, I get tattoos, I squeeze my feet into pointy, ill fitting high heels, I wear uncomfortable bras to make me look like my boobs don't hang at my hips and now my most stupid attempt to feel amazing was having my vagina waxed. Yep....I paid some chick to rip the hair out of my girl parts. What the fuck?????? Why not just trim it??? Several reasons....you have 2 small children, 3 cats and a dog run in and out of the bathroom while trying to clean up your lady parts and tell me if you can do a great job.....or much less be as clumsy as I am and not take a chunk out (ouch).....plus...it feels all prickly within days and then when I take my panties down it's like peeling a cactus off of a sheep. So...yea a Brazilian sounded like a great idea. Till I got to the salon......where I was greeted by a tiny, young gorgeous lady...yea....like I want her to see my wounded underworld....I've had 3 large babies...it's not exactly the Garden Of Eden down there. Oh well...I drop my bottoms and get on the table....she asks me what I want....meaning bald eagle, Bermuda triangle or a landing strip....I went for the landing strip...the thought of looking like a 7 year old down there made me feel creepy. On goes the wax....it was warm and almost comforting...till she ripped the cloth of death off my coo coo and I yelled some sort of obscenity and tried to punch her. Luckily she jumped out of the way....at least I knew what to expect the rest of the time....or so I thought.
Ok...so.....we get the top part done....then she tells me to grab my knees and pull them up to my head. Um....could you buy me dinner first????? What the fuck is this....birthing class?!?! But I had already done this much...what the heck right? So I do...and thank sweet Jesus she was quick....I screamed like a little bitch :( but it was done and over with.....I got up and started putting my stuff on...when she asked if I wanted my....um....back door area done....I told her FUCK NO....and continued putting my clothes on.
You know what really annoyed me??? The tranquil music playing in the background...stop trying to lull me into a calm state....you can not be relaxed for something like this....you need to amped up and prepared...it's like when you get shot in the woods and you need to slam a half a bottle of whiskey and bite down on a tree branch while your friend digs the fucking bullet out.....play me some Nine Inch Nails and hand me some tequila god damn it!!!
Will I go back in six weeks to have it done again????? HELL YES I WILL....when I got home and saw my gorgeous vagina it was sooooo worth it....next time I will be drunk...so I will need a sober cab....cuz I'm gonna suck down a few rum and cokes but pretty pink parts is way worth it!The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-17379511519439766972012-06-29T10:28:00.000-05:002012-06-29T14:30:07.288-05:00Working It....So....I haven't blogged in awhile....to be honest I feel like I've lost my edge. I'm not saying I'm not creative....I have several irons in the fire right now....new projects I've never done before that I hope will be just fucking fantastic....but y'all will have to wait to see them....or hear about how I totally crashed and burned...either way...it should be epic.
Anyhoo......currently I'm on an exercise kick....don't roll your eyes...I know several of my posts are diet related etc and I end up just going back to my old ways....however....have you ever known me to get my ass off the couch and workout??? Yea....for real...I do it... like all the time....it's my new addiction.....I can't go a day without. I can be tired, in pain, busy etc and I will still do it. I blame my friend....he posted on his FB how he was going to start training for something and I got pissed....I don't like to be outdone by him (we have an odd rivalry thing) so the next day I bought some running shoes and bam....I was out the gate and have never looked back. Not that it's all glitter and unicorns....I've had some setbacks. I pretty much fucked up my foot (which is all better now) I worked through 2 weeks of knee pain....every time I did anything I could totally hear them yelling at me You Fat Bitch Why Are You Doing This!?!? ....then I started to freak out.....cuz I was just doing the same stuff over and over again so I got some resistance bands. I highly recommend them....but I had to learn a little control....I got a bit zealous and I'm pretty sure I broke my boob...it hurt for like 4 days!!!!! Plus I would catch myself holding it and rubbing it....which got plenty of interesting looks in Target the other day.....no big deal...it's not the worst thing I have ever done in a Target ;)
This morning I decided to start working on my butt....all women want a nice booty and all men appreciate one. I looked up some things to try on the internet....I decided to try some of the stuff from the Brazilian Butt Lift program......they didn't look to bad (famous last words). Well....by the time I was done I was straight up crying and yelping out in pain.....I had no idea my booty could hurt like that. Will I do it again???? Hellz yea I will.....shedding a few tears is totally worth getting a fine ass!
I keep getting asked why and how...why do you keep it up and how do you find your motivation.....Why....to be honest....I want to buy sexy new jeans.....I'm tired of being the frumpy chick who swears a lot...I want to rock some silver jeans and a slutty top and be confident ( I will still swear a lot). How...do I find the motivation.....some days it's easy...and I don't need any...some days...I need to talk to my friend...you know the one who inspired the whole thing.....he's doing great too BTW.....I have a great support system....and Pandora Radio....I can't do anything without music!!!!!
I will never be skinny...to be honest...I'm not looking to be skinny...I just want to be a fairly hot soccer mom. Now if you will excuse me...I need to toss on my sports bra....I tried jumping jacks without one....it didn't go well....it was like a car accident....horrific and nothing anyone should ever witness! Peace Out!The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-75912182148198061222012-06-06T12:49:00.004-05:002012-06-06T12:49:41.370-05:00Betty Crocker Ain't Got Nothing On Me....I'm glad you can't go to jail for crimes against baked goods....I'd be so fucked. Today I decided that the kiddos would enjoy frosting some cupcakes....so knowing it was a bad idea I got up to make some cupcakes. Why was it a bad idea???? Because I very rarely escape the kitchen without injury or seriously jacking up whatever it is I'm trying make....but my dumb ass tried it anyways....
I went and found my cupcake maker....I thought it would be better to use that instead of the oven and the last time I used it I only burned one finger. I gathered all my ingredients and utensils....I turned on some Pandora radio to keep me in a good mood and mixed up my batter. So far so good. I put the batter into to cupcake maker and proceeded to wait....I sang along with the All American Rejects and checked my cupcakes....son of a bitch....they haven't baked at all! The stupid thing must be broken. What shall I do??? I preheated the oven and found a cupcake pan....loaded the batter in and away we go. I sang along with Creed and decided to wash the dishes...thinking to myself well...this isn't too bad. I happen to notice that I never plugged in the cupcake maker!!!!!! Oops oh well at least I can finish up the batter..yay! But that's when it all went bad.
Smoke starts coming out of the oven.....however it wasn't my cupcakes....it was the shit I burned last time I tried to cook that was stuck on the bottom of the oven. Then it was time to take the cupcakes out of the maker....but.....well......I forgot to spray the molds and they all ripped apart and turned into itty bitty pieces....fuck. So I have one last attempt....there was still a little batter left......I spray the molds and dump in the batter and continue cleaning the kitchen up....but then I heard noises out front....apparently it was tree trimming day for the city....the kids and I watched for awhile...then they were hungry so I nuked them some lunch.....and OH SHIT the cupcakes....yep....I cremated them :( So pretty much the only cupcakes that I now have are the six that went into the oven....so when all the smoke clears we will frost and eat those....I will probably wash mine down with a very large glass of wine....The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-64070343467671821172012-05-31T10:13:00.000-05:002012-05-31T10:13:25.955-05:00Price Check! Oh...Hell No!Whoever invented endcaps by the register is an asshole. It is impossible to sound like a good mom while waiting in the checkout....No don't open that, Put that down, We have candy at home....etc etc. By the time I get to the register I've lost all my patience and I'm yelling at the poor cashier....I don't give a rat's ass if it's paper or plastic just get me the fuck out of here! As the barely trained teenager is trying to hurry it up I notice my devil spawn have tossed in 5 cans of tuna into the cart and a random beach towel but I don't want to slow down the process of getting out of the shit hole that is WalMart so I just let her keep ringing the stuff up.
Then you gotta do one more check to make sure the children didn't nab a lip gloss or something and then I make a mad dash for the door like the place is on fire....
Heaven forbid someone call me while I'm at the store.....I won't be in a good mood....and it won't go well. Oh, I'm sorry to hear you have gall stones....but I'm at WalMart so your problems are meaningless.
I think WalMart should just start serving shots of Patron...I think I could handle the madness if I had a good buzz....plus then the kids might have a chance of getting some candy from the endcap. I would need to take a little nap in the back of my mini van before I went home....but the kids could watch a DVD so it's all good right????
Well...gotta run...we ran out of Pop Tarts (one of my specialties) and toothpaste so....It's off to the store I go. Wish me luck! Peace Out!The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4976426077070709550.post-33218092744656296382012-05-23T09:55:00.000-05:002012-05-23T09:56:22.678-05:00Lost My Appetite...So....I have a friend who writes this pretty rockin' blog, Bubble Gum On My Shoe. Her writing always pisses me off because it's good...no grammar issues, the spelling is correct, and she is actually interesting. She had this hilarious post awhile back about <a href="http://www.bubblegumonmyshoe.com/2012/03/if-you-make-this-i-will-hunt-you-down.html">Dogtopus Soup</a>....yea you read that correctly.
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgczSea43XLCnq1yulJZ4BG4h6ryOFSRem7bmOK6CTq6Neuj6UQ27eWlqn66T8-GTuYuniAEpifTUKaFkX4NWZzV0lAW8-N24QrWkj7ddSvIvCpVmcA1908Faj-3Coba9cvsL8DA60Du6lf/s1600/dogtopus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="250" width="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgczSea43XLCnq1yulJZ4BG4h6ryOFSRem7bmOK6CTq6Neuj6UQ27eWlqn66T8-GTuYuniAEpifTUKaFkX4NWZzV0lAW8-N24QrWkj7ddSvIvCpVmcA1908Faj-3Coba9cvsL8DA60Du6lf/s320/dogtopus.jpg" /></a></div>
It was a hit and we joked around for some time about how we couldn't find a more disgusting dish if we wanted to. Well guess what.....I stumbled onto one this morning. Yep....just when I thought the food nightmares were behind me I found TURTLE BURGERS!
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Oh my hell....who in their right mind would make these??????? You are seriously several forms of nutjob if you do. Don't get me wrong. I have a crazy sense of humor. I do odd shit all the time....but creepy food (that would require my children get mental help) is not one of them! I would feel like some sprouting serial killer if I made these...let alone forced my family to chomp down on one. Bleh. I think I will stick to burning Pop Tarts and ordering pizza.The Pervisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07228334656223674704noreply@blogger.com6