Friday, June 29, 2012
So....I haven't blogged in awhile....to be honest I feel like I've lost my edge. I'm not saying I'm not creative....I have several irons in the fire right now....new projects I've never done before that I hope will be just fucking fantastic....but y'all will have to wait to see them....or hear about how I totally crashed and burned...either way...it should be epic. Anyhoo......currently I'm on an exercise kick....don't roll your eyes...I know several of my posts are diet related etc and I end up just going back to my old ways....however....have you ever known me to get my ass off the couch and workout??? Yea....for real...I do it... like all the time....it's my new addiction.....I can't go a day without. I can be tired, in pain, busy etc and I will still do it. I blame my friend....he posted on his FB how he was going to start training for something and I got pissed....I don't like to be outdone by him (we have an odd rivalry thing) so the next day I bought some running shoes and bam....I was out the gate and have never looked back. Not that it's all glitter and unicorns....I've had some setbacks. I pretty much fucked up my foot (which is all better now) I worked through 2 weeks of knee pain....every time I did anything I could totally hear them yelling at me You Fat Bitch Why Are You Doing This!?!? ....then I started to freak out.....cuz I was just doing the same stuff over and over again so I got some resistance bands. I highly recommend them....but I had to learn a little control....I got a bit zealous and I'm pretty sure I broke my boob...it hurt for like 4 days!!!!! Plus I would catch myself holding it and rubbing it....which got plenty of interesting looks in Target the other day.....no big deal...it's not the worst thing I have ever done in a Target ;) This morning I decided to start working on my butt....all women want a nice booty and all men appreciate one. I looked up some things to try on the internet....I decided to try some of the stuff from the Brazilian Butt Lift program......they didn't look to bad (famous last words). Well....by the time I was done I was straight up crying and yelping out in pain.....I had no idea my booty could hurt like that. Will I do it again???? Hellz yea I will.....shedding a few tears is totally worth getting a fine ass! I keep getting asked why and how...why do you keep it up and how do you find your motivation.....Why....to be honest....I want to buy sexy new jeans.....I'm tired of being the frumpy chick who swears a lot...I want to rock some silver jeans and a slutty top and be confident ( I will still swear a lot). How...do I find the motivation.....some days it's easy...and I don't need any...some days...I need to talk to my friend...you know the one who inspired the whole thing.....he's doing great too BTW.....I have a great support system....and Pandora Radio....I can't do anything without music!!!!! I will never be skinny...to be honest...I'm not looking to be skinny...I just want to be a fairly hot soccer mom. Now if you will excuse me...I need to toss on my sports bra....I tried jumping jacks without one....it didn't go well....it was like a car accident....horrific and nothing anyone should ever witness! Peace Out!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
I'm glad you can't go to jail for crimes against baked goods....I'd be so fucked. Today I decided that the kiddos would enjoy frosting some cupcakes....so knowing it was a bad idea I got up to make some cupcakes. Why was it a bad idea???? Because I very rarely escape the kitchen without injury or seriously jacking up whatever it is I'm trying make....but my dumb ass tried it anyways.... I went and found my cupcake maker....I thought it would be better to use that instead of the oven and the last time I used it I only burned one finger. I gathered all my ingredients and utensils....I turned on some Pandora radio to keep me in a good mood and mixed up my batter. So far so good. I put the batter into to cupcake maker and proceeded to wait....I sang along with the All American Rejects and checked my cupcakes....son of a bitch....they haven't baked at all! The stupid thing must be broken. What shall I do??? I preheated the oven and found a cupcake pan....loaded the batter in and away we go. I sang along with Creed and decided to wash the dishes...thinking to myself well...this isn't too bad. I happen to notice that I never plugged in the cupcake maker!!!!!! Oops oh well at least I can finish up the batter..yay! But that's when it all went bad. Smoke starts coming out of the oven.....however it wasn't my cupcakes....it was the shit I burned last time I tried to cook that was stuck on the bottom of the oven. Then it was time to take the cupcakes out of the maker....but.....well......I forgot to spray the molds and they all ripped apart and turned into itty bitty pieces....fuck. So I have one last attempt....there was still a little batter left......I spray the molds and dump in the batter and continue cleaning the kitchen up....but then I heard noises out front....apparently it was tree trimming day for the city....the kids and I watched for awhile...then they were hungry so I nuked them some lunch.....and OH SHIT the cupcakes....yep....I cremated them :( So pretty much the only cupcakes that I now have are the six that went into the oven....so when all the smoke clears we will frost and eat those....I will probably wash mine down with a very large glass of wine....