Tuesday, June 21, 2011

summer style for the cool pre-school girl

I was going to toss out this old shirt that two of my daughters had grown out of....I almost always donate old stuff to Goodwill or to a friend with kids but this one had gotten some holes in it...but the cheapo in me could not bare to put it in the garbage...so I cut it up into strips and put some poney beads on it (had them left over from another bracelet project my preschooler and I did a few months back)....so now my darling daughter has some fun summer necklaces. I know they are no Chanel but hey they have color and cost me nothing so if they get lost I won't freak out. I also cut out the little picture it had on the front...I'm sure I can find something to do with that...Hope y'all are enjoying the first day of summer! Peace Out!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Fatty Fatty 2x4 ...

You know you're heifer when your bra has five hooks....well not all women are cows...some women need them for their huge ta tas....but not me....I still stuff my bra...I have the hooks to keep my side fat strapped up and in place. Yep....gotta have some strong hardware to keep that shit from busting loose. Can't be having the side boob hanging free....two reasons why it needs to be on lock down....1: it looks friggen awful....2: it gets tangled in my underpants.....ok it's not that bad yet but by the time I hit 50 it will and I will have to not only wear the bra of industrial hooks but I will have to apply duct tape on top of it as a precaution....like when your 20ish and use a condom along with a pill....always have back
You know what else makes a fat chick feel good about herself???? The fact that most of us can't wear shorts out in public....or I guess I should say shouldn't....I see plenty chunky bitches that do it anyway....and it's just wrong....now I know in hot weather shorts are the way to beat the heat but some of us have huge monster thighs and they grab ahold of the inside of our shorts and drag them up to our crotch.....Oh my god I can't even explain how gross this looks and all you can think about is the the sweaty nasty cellulite that is now being exposed.....bleh. So I wear capri pants in the summer....not like that 3 whole inches off my ankles makes a whole lot of difference but hey....I don't want someone to turn into a bulimic just because they saw my thighs rubbing together like two teenagers in the backseat of a car. Oh....and tank tops are a no no as well....my flarms (floppy arms) are not to be viewed....it's like having a baby manatee hanging off each shoulder and manatees are only cute when swimming around the warm waters near a power plant in Florida....now I am not stupid...I realize that even all covered up like a nun does not hide the fact that I am obese but trust me if I just let it all hang out it would be much worse....oh all this is so depressing...I need cake....Peace Out.