Anyone ever do anything for your kids that you know is a waste of time and in the long run they won't really appreciate anyway??? Like for my toddler it's homemade mac n cheese....I know she loves it and she will eat it....but 15 years from now....like it's going to mean anything....she will never remember what type of mac n cheese she at as a very small child....so why bother right????
And right now for this exact moment in the world.....my waste of time is the friggen Halloween costume I am constructing for the baby. It's really just working my last nerve....my string keeps snapping...I'm sort of working in the dark and I almost cut the tip of my right thumb off....I'm fairly certain before the night is over my sewing machine will find it's way outside and into the street...then it's smartass will find my car running it over....and over and over some more. Why does the baby need a home created costume anyway???? Why am wasting time and effort on a costume she won't really care about? A cute costume is a cute costume who cares if it was purchased or made???? Did I think by sewing it myself that she would love me more or that other parents would look at me and think...Wow what an amazing mother....she took the time to think of and fashion a really great costume for her child??? I'm soooooooo fucking stupid....no parents think this....and you do you want to know why??? Because they are too busy chasing their own rabid, hopped up on cheap candy, insane children! They will never ever notice the costume I have spent hours on...that I have spilled my own blood on....the outfit that has caused me to sit under my desk and swill wine like a homeless person while quietly sobbing on....sigh. You ask....why continue??? Why not just go buy one.....well...I have so much money and effort into this mother fucker to quit....and I now intend to wrap the bitch up and give it to my child on their wedding day....and make them look at every stitch and every fabric and every little blood stain that went into this mentally scarring, life sucking costume....it can be the something old....and if by chance my darling child does not appreciate my work....I will so effin load the wedding cake and all the bottles of champagne into my car and peel out of the parking lot while waiving my middle finger in the air. Whhheeewwww I feel better...now if you will excuse me...I have some more sewing to do...how much you wanna bet that by morning I have busted out the hot glue gun and said fuck it???? Peace Out!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
My adorable toddler the thief.....I know I have already written about her shoplifting....however I need to share...it's my form or therapy and with all her little adventures in the stores that I have to keep paying for I can't afford a shrink so I vent to y'all about it. A few weeks ago we were at a large store....you know one of those that sells a bit of everything....while I was looking at patterns for Halloween costumes my adventurous toddler decides to haul ass down and around another aisle so my teen went running after her...they come back and my toddler is desperately clinging to a bag of bright pink jordan almonds...frustrated we put her in the cart and told her she could hold onto them.....about 13 seconds later I look at her and her friggen cheeks are all puffed out like a roided out squirrel and she's chewing vigorously on something! I grab the bag out of her hands and it wasn't opened so I shove my fingers in her mouth and start to pry whatever is in there out only to find like 13 jordan almonds!!! WTF?!.....I asked her did you open the bag??? She just smiles at me with that look....you know like the one men give you after they have just farted under the sheets.....so I start looking the bag over again and finally found a tiny opening right in a crease.....I think dang how did she get all those out of the bag and in her mouth in that little amount of time....but I'm like whatever we will just buy them.....well that was till I found out that were $9.00....are you serious????? It's crappy stale wedding candy....you have got to be pulling my dick....I can buy two pizzas for that and feed the whole family....nine bucks....I know hookers that charge less then that for a bj......(no I will not forward that info on to you so don't ask!) I felt like not feeding her for a day to pay for the damn almonds....but she would just start gnawing on my arm and my ER co-pay is like 75 bucks so it's totally not worth it.....moral of the story....duct tape you children's hands together when you are shopping...or perhaps keep them in the cart to begin with...but I like the duct tape thing better because it takes up less room in the cart and I need the space for my boxes of wine and Twinkies....Peace out!