Monday, October 4, 2010
My adorable toddler the thief.....I know I have already written about her shoplifting....however I need to share...it's my form or therapy and with all her little adventures in the stores that I have to keep paying for I can't afford a shrink so I vent to y'all about it. A few weeks ago we were at a large store....you know one of those that sells a bit of everything....while I was looking at patterns for Halloween costumes my adventurous toddler decides to haul ass down and around another aisle so my teen went running after her...they come back and my toddler is desperately clinging to a bag of bright pink jordan almonds...frustrated we put her in the cart and told her she could hold onto them.....about 13 seconds later I look at her and her friggen cheeks are all puffed out like a roided out squirrel and she's chewing vigorously on something! I grab the bag out of her hands and it wasn't opened so I shove my fingers in her mouth and start to pry whatever is in there out only to find like 13 jordan almonds!!! WTF?!.....I asked her did you open the bag??? She just smiles at me with that look....you know like the one men give you after they have just farted under the sheets.....so I start looking the bag over again and finally found a tiny opening right in a crease.....I think dang how did she get all those out of the bag and in her mouth in that little amount of time....but I'm like whatever we will just buy them.....well that was till I found out that were $9.00....are you serious????? It's crappy stale wedding candy....you have got to be pulling my dick....I can buy two pizzas for that and feed the whole family....nine bucks....I know hookers that charge less then that for a bj......(no I will not forward that info on to you so don't ask!) I felt like not feeding her for a day to pay for the damn almonds....but she would just start gnawing on my arm and my ER co-pay is like 75 bucks so it's totally not worth it.....moral of the story....duct tape you children's hands together when you are shopping...or perhaps keep them in the cart to begin with...but I like the duct tape thing better because it takes up less room in the cart and I need the space for my boxes of wine and Twinkies....Peace out!