Friday, September 17, 2010

We've Got The Biggest Balls Of Them All!

I don't know how to lightly approach this subject so I guess I will just dive right on in...there is no secret that I have been married 3 times....I have a few kids...watched a few pornos and have HBO....I have seen a few sets of balls in my time. Let me tell you a big giant sack is worth looking for....and very hard to current hubby (that sounds awful) has a damn set of catchers mitts between his legs....just the most giant testicles I have ever friggen seen....and at first they freaked me the fuck out....just from pure that I have had some one on one time with them...they are the best thing ever....I just love them! Giant balls have some really nice advantages too.... it's kinda like upgrades for a car....a basic model works just fine but if you can get a few enjoy it on the list is...massive cojones are more durable...yep they can take much more a little too much tooth or a squeeze that is too tight a pull that's a bit rough here and there does end a good spanking session. Second...when your man is in....uh...full are his jolly knockers...I like to call it the pleasure's most effective during doggie style however a little ass pat during missionary is nice too....mmmmmmm mommy like. Third...well let's face it...bragging I know there are still a few classy girls left out there that do not discuss such matters...however...ya'll are few and far between and the rest of us discuss our mans junk and his ability to use it....and if we are really good friends we don't lie about it either. Nothing is better than being able to smile proudly and say my husband has some huge ass jungle berries and fat dick to go with them....own up to it ladies...we all want to be tore up and pleasured till we pass out and not all men can do that....and a man with a large gift bag has a major it's straight up cool when your guy is sitting there with a giant bulge in his pants and all the other chicks see that it's just dying to sprawl out and be let loose from it's confines of jeans and jockey shorts.... and in our head we are all like ha ha bitches...that's what I'm playing with tonight!!!!! As nice women we all like to make up for what our guys lack with little sayings like....he can go forever or....his hands are like magic....that all means he has a smaller set of frank and beans that we would have liked and he has no idea how to use's sorta tragic how we feel that we need to say such things...and it's stressful trying to think of them. SO.....all in all if you are a single gal on the prowl for a man...make sure his steak and eggs are enough to satisfy your sexual appetite or you will be tempted to check out a different menu....and no love is not is a very very large part of what makes a relationship tick...however...if his skills in the bedroom suck and you find yourself telling your mate to go drinking with his buddies so you can stay home with a bottle of wine and a vibrator....that love will turn to annoyance and you will be apartment searching within the year. Here are some tips to help with the choosing of a partner....If he has small soft hands...chances are he has a small soft away. If he is not really into giving oral means he has already found out that he is bad at away. If he cannot refer to his penis as a cock, dick or shaft.....and uses words like ding dong or thingy....he has no idea how to use his unmentioned penis and never away. If he pulls down his pants and you don't immediately think never will and will soon find Chinese food and cake batter more away. I know we would all like to think we are nice girls and it's not all about size....but it is.... face it we don't want to feel like we are giving head to a toothpick or getting banged by a thermometer.....and if a guy has no idea how to please a lady by the time he's will never ever can't teach an old dog new tricks....especially one with a skinny willy and chili beans for nuts.
Oh...and we as women need to stop lying to men and telling them they have big turbo diesels in their pants when they don't....because then they get all cocky (ha ha get it) and want to use it all the time...then we gotta fake orgasms and pretend we have headaches's just more trouble than it's worth...if the asshole asks what you think of his tennis equipment he's trying to sell you just tell him that you need to test it out before you can purchase the product....if after a few games you are not impressed....tell him to find a chick that's 4'9 and pack it up goes on.
Peace out my friends...I hope tonight you get ravaged till you are unable to walk....and if you don't I hope you have a chocolate cake in the fridge....

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