Friday, September 17, 2010

Vagina On The Rocks

I think it's funny when people don't like to use certain words....Like cracks me up that they are so uncomfortable with it. Don't get me wrong I like nick names too...whoo hah, clam and furry burger are all great but sometimes they just don't have the same feel as VAGINA. Let's face it a vagina is something everyone likes....I like mine.....I like having it I like using it and it gives me a feeling of power (however wrong that may be lol). My husband likes my vagina even more than I do!!!!! So unless you are a gay man everyone else loves vaginas why are so many people weird about it? I think vagina should be a paint color....your husband asks you what color he should paint the kid's playhouse....Oh I don't know, vagina pink would be nice. Or what color do you want your engagement cake to be....a lovely shade of vagina would soooo go with all the centerpieces!
Vagina should also be the name of a popular adult beverage......(ok here is where you find out why I need a job, I think of weird stuff all the time) is the scenario for the drink:

A lonely pilot (I had to use a pilot so my buddy would appreciate this story) just got home from a long flight on a Friday night....he's walking around town trying to not go home to his boring empty apartment....he passes a bar he realizes he's never been in so he takes a peek in threw the window...It's charming and quiet...wood floors, old fashioned bar, a few dart boards and the hottest bartender he's ever seen. He takes a deep breath and goes inside...there's a few guys at the bar but a nice open spot at the end....he walks up and takes a look at her....he can hardly contain his erection...she's about 5"7 long gorgeous hair, lush full lips, huge amazing boobs and those sexy smokey fuck me eyes....she sees him and smiles, he tries not to look like an asshole so he nods....she walks over and asks him what he wants and then winks at him...he orders a sweet wet vagina....she bites her lip and proceeds to mix his drink...she asks you want to put anything into it?...he says oh she drops in two maraschino cherries and smiles....then she leans her breasts into the bar and slowly starts to push the vagina towards him and says....that's $35.00....the pilot all of sudden jumps back and yells $35.00!!!! I can make one at home for free!!! The bartender yells back....this is top shelf motherfucker! Go ahead home and enjoy your cheap shit alone! He then realizes she's right....enjoying a self made vagina by yourself is not the same as going out and getting a good one from a pro...he drops to his knees and begs....I'm sorry...I was stupid I really want your vagina! She tells him to go and stop wasting her time. He leaves...he looks back in the window and sees another man licking the sweet sugar off the rim of what was suppose to be his perfect vagina...he walks home almost in tears down the cold dark road and realizes.....a good vagina is priceless.

See...told ya I need a Don't forget to tip your waitresses!

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