Friday, September 17, 2010

Read If You Can't Get Any!

(huff)....I am so over hearing from my single girlfriends about how they can't get laid.....shut up...if you have a can get sex. The problem with these chicks is they really want more than a shag...or...they are to picky about who they want to roll around with. If you honestly just need to get down and boogie then I tell you my friends it's possible....but stop being a retard....Don't expect the sexiest man alive to be out and about on the exact same night you feel like dropping your panties. Don't expect this guy to be single. Don't talk to much....stupid stupid stupid....all they want is enough chit chat to make sure you are on the same 69 they don't care why you are out or how your cat is...or even your last name...and for the love of flavored condoms do not talk about your ex! catch a one night bed buddy...dress the super vampy outfit...they will assume you are out of the question....however...not to casual either....nice jeans and cute roll with whatever you want just nothing to freaks them out. DON'T BE one wants to bang the frump girl....yuck.
Now that you have picked out a guy to get crazy are some rules....never go to your don't want them knowing where you live or worse....wanting to use your shower in the morning...gross. When you walk in the door....stop speaking all might bore them to death and they will fall asleep...most likely he's had a few stop drinking too or you will have to deal with whiskey fun. DO NOT give him a blow job.....if he blows his load there is no need for him to try and please just knock him down and hop on. Do not look around his place and try to figure out what kind of guy he is...that is not why you are there....get yours and go! Don't have any after talk other than “call me a cab” and “I know I was awesome...shut up”.
Most of you ladies out there lie....the I just want sex line is want a man...and you try to turn a one nighter into a relationship and then get your feelings hurt....make sure you are ready for a relationship....meaning the thought of your exes don't send you into panic attacks or are not still married...and you are comfortable with yourself alone until you find the right guy.
I know....I have been in your shoes before...more than learn from my mistakes. There is no Mr. Perfect....just Mr. Perfect For You. Your ideas of what you want are probly not what you need so do some thinking.....and while you are at it...look in the mirror.....are you really girlfriend material???? Last but not least stop asking me what is wrong with you....because from now on...I am going to tell you. Have a great safe and text me all the details of your scandalous adventures the next morning.....

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