Sunday, March 21, 2010

Rose colored stunner shades ;)

They say ignorance is bliss....and well...I tend to agree...I remember the day I realized what people really thought of my life and why they were nice to me... and I hated it. I was a junior in high school...sitting in religion class...yes, I went to private school...I'm sure you are all stunned....anyways we had our desks arranged in a circle and were discussing how God always has a plan and how you should trust in teacher all of sudden points me out and tells my entire class....Look at her, her mother died, her dad left, she lives in a poor neighborhood and her grandfather is a drunk and she is still happy with God's plan.....I was beyond stunned...first of all I had no idea he had all of this information...I should have known better....everybody knows everything in small circles....second I could not believe he shared it with a group of my peers...evil teenagers no less... and third he made it all sound so fucking awful....until that moment I never realized my life was suppose to be crap....I had seen it as I lived with people that loved me..we were not rich but we wanted for nothing...I went to a great school..I was cute and had a few nice friends....but all along people were feeling sorry for what really sucked balls was that people started treating me differently....and they said horrible things I understand why you are so strong willed...and I'm so sorry about your parents....I was no longer me...I was the girl that had bad shit happen to her...and it was the beginning of a downward spiral that for awhile ruined me. I hated getting sympathy...especially because I didn't fucking need it...I detested people talking about my family.....and instead of brushing it off...I got angry....don't get me wrong...I have always had a little piss and vinegar running through my veins but I really changed...I got new not so great friends outside of my happy little grades dropped and I just gave up on thinking that people liked me for me....long story favorite place on earth turned into a place I had to go and I ended up doing very stupid things...even got pregnant...
Now don't get me wrong...I'm not blaming the teacher or fellow students for my actions...those are all mine....this is just my way of warning people to only air their own dirty laundry.....not bubble was forever burst and I was never the I know I still had the happy things I was enjoying before the incident and I chose to let it all go...but you be 16 and try to be positive about that crap.....there is nothing wrong with a little empathy but no one likes to be the guest of honor at a pity when you are trying to be a careful of your words....
After many years of anger and turmoil and few more bad choices I decided that life is suppose to be fun....but I may go to extremes....I hate being serious...and I'm not so good at the daily grind...I just don't believe we are put on this earth to not enjoy whatever we possibly can. With all the illnesses in the world, wars and the bad economy I just can't even stand to watch the news...I don't want to get sucked into depressed mode...and with all the bullshit that's around it's just so easy to forget to be lighthearted....I also don't want to burst my offspring's happy bubble and God help whoever does....many moments of pent up wrath will be brought down on the a-hole that ruins the bright and shiny for my babies...because behind my somewhat clever jokes and silliness is a mother who will rip your fricken skin off for making children lose the blissful ignorance of that being said...I better's time to sing into a hairbrush to a Miley Cyrus song, paint several sets of little toenails....and once again be happy with God's plan...Peace out.

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