Thursday, January 21, 2010

Won't you come out and play with me.... everyone has their own idea of freaky....some people think anything other then missionary position is evil...others have sex swings...some people invite others to play and some are just ...I can't even talk about it....I consider myself to be a bit boring...I know I talk a good game but I'm pretty middle of the road. I don't mind a few different positions and I don't mind talking dirty....oral is always a plus....but I'm not really into leather masks or pain (not saying I don't pull a muscle from time to time but that is due to age and lack of exercise)...weIl that's sort of a lie...I don't like to be in pain...I get off on inflicting some....I LOVE to bite...anyways....I don't mind the idea of a few toys...I kinda wanted some vibrating panties...but am afraid I would short them out and I really don't want to shock button.....I think vibes are cool...but nothing does not need to be all gas powered and have swirling cannon balls...I feel the best toy in the bedroom...or wherever you decide to do the monkey you....why do you think guys still go to strip clubs??? They want to see some naked dancing....good old fashioned boobie bouncing and butt jiggle is a good way to get Captain One Eye to stand at attention....and as for me....I prefer a good tongue lashing then any damn plastic/latex object....needless to say if you are with someone who is not so great in the sack....then maybe some nip clamps are in your future. I think from time to time it's nice to get a bit spicy and change things up a bit....getting in a rut is never good....but there is nothing wrong with knowing your partner and having good familiar sex.....but that comfortable sex can only really be appreciated when you have a crazy shag now and then....I know some people role play...that's not really my thing...I tease about it but I could never really get into it....I dig my hubby the way he is...I don't need to pretend he is someone else...and if I wanted to bang someone else I would...and that would be the end of my my gig. Some people find odd places to get it on...I always always always have at least one other then the closet or garage...out of the question for me...but I would sooooo get on board with that idea if I could....I am all about leaving a wet mark on all sorts of public places...the rush of it all is awesome.....I would love to just be bent over a baggage carousel at an airport or give a great blow job at the doctors office while waiting for the nurse....but alas between my litter of children and my lack of funds to get bailed out of jail I refrain from exhibition masturbation in the garden section of Target. Do any of you use those flavored massage gel things?? I always think they sound like a good idea...then find out...not so much...they taste awful and end up leaving my bedding all sticky...well...that's not just the gel...but you know what I mean....I would get into it more if they tasted better....same with the edible pantie thing...first of all edible undies is just a really stupid idea...just lick the vagina and get it over with...I don't want to just sit there all day and watch my husband chew on some second of all they are ugly and taste like old fruit roll ups.... I know if I was going to chew on gummy jock strap I'd want it to taste like sangria....and ladies if you want your man to stay downtown for awhile shouldn't those lubes taste like beer??? I know my hubby would get way more head if there were pink champagne flavored penis tingler to pour on there...I don't know...maybe someday the sex toy people will wake up and make stuff that people really like....that's why bars make way more money....people like booze...not nasty old strawberry chocolate with a hint of KY....bleh......and what the hell is with body paint???? How stupid.....oooohh yea babe paint a smile face on my ass then the sex will be mind blowing...uh no....painting does not get my vaginal juices flowing....maybe that works for some but I want to be excited not lulled to sleep....oh you know what else I'm not two reasons...first of's weird...I could never eat a salad again if I let my guy stick a cucumber in my ass and second way to many urban legends out know them...the girl who got a hot dog stuck up in her girly bits..(just because we call a penis a wiener does not mean Oscar Meyer belongs in your whooo hah) then there's the guy who put peanut butter on his nuts and let the dog lick it off...and all of a sudden he see's everyone he knows cuz it was a surprise party...the list goes needless to say real food and sex just should not be mixed....and FYI...the whole whip cream bikini thing...not slides the fuck ya'll can just forget that idea....not only will no one be eating a nice treat off your ta tas you will be stuck cleaning the carpet...and no I don't mean your love patch.....oh speaking of love I the only chick in America that does not go bald eagle??? I keep her clean and all...nice edging etc....but I still have know why...cuz I think it's weird to look like a 10 year old girl...just saying....and any man that waxes his batter bowls is an idiot....make no mistake...some grooming is much appreciated but if you don't have ball hair something is just wrong with a man for gods sake.
Well it appears that I have once again just babbled on and on and not really made a point...sorry...I guess the moral of the story is...we have been given a gift...the opportunity to enjoy our significant others...don't let it become the demise of you about it...what your needs are...what you are comfortable with trying and what you already is suppose to enhance your relationship not become a chore and possibly even end it.....and trust me....I have seen it happen.....well...gotta go...the baby is asleep so time to have some naughty nibble time...maybe in the kitchen so I can get the coffee ready for the morning too...peace out!

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