Grrrrrrrr.......I'm so fucking tired of my god awful unibrow!!!!!!!! It's constant upkeep...I wax, tweeze and even use that stinky cream and two hours later...it's back...I'm like friggen teen wolf...except I'm middle aged...and a female....and now to top it off my youngest child is going to hate me...it has become evident that she has also inherited the fuzzy brow gene....awesome....now I know what you are thinking...just get laser....well I would but...I have 8 million kids...so....that's on the bottom of the list of things to get....right under boob job... yes I would prefer to get big giant bajungas....why????....cuz no one will be looking at my eyes if I have huge amazing tits...duh. Back in the day when I didn't have a pack of evil yet adorable spawn...it wasn't as awful...I could take time everyday to groom my Bert & Ernie brow but now I only get to it like once a week....which sucks....and I pretty much need a flippen garden weasel to tame it...then...last time I got to it...I had some wine first...and now they are all jenked...and one is pretty much a half an inch shorter than the other...on the upside they get so damn long so fast I can just do a brow comb over.....I'm like the Donald Trump of brow land...
A few years ago I was complaining to my Grandmother about it...and asked why I was the only one in the family who had this issue...and she starts chuckling at me....then proceeds to tell me she had electrolysis done when she was in her 40's.....nice...all these years I thought I was a freak (no comments needed from ya'll) and here it was all her fault! So...I think I should do some sort of beatify the planet fundraiser and get my eye-stash corrected.....I would do a car wash but no one wants to see this all pressed up against a hood of a car...however I could use my eyebrows as a chamois.... I don't bake and I'm pretty sure no one wants to buy Pop Tarts from me....sooooo I need some better ideas....I could go door to door selling candy bars...but we all know I'm not hoofing my fat ass around the neighborhood trying to pawn off chocolate....I would however get a bottle of screw top wine, a chick flick and enjoy the candy much like I enjoy my husband....fast and crazy...I could put on a talent show...but my talents are limited and mostly naughty....I don't want to end up in jail with my man-like unibrow becoming some gangsta bitches boyfriend....bleh...so for the moment I'm at a loss.....and now ya'll know why I wear big weird sunglasses everywhere....Well...better go....I'm trying to design a cute piece of jewelry that covers the brows that will be accepted by general public and not just the circus....however in the mean time I need to run to Sally Beauty Supply and see if they have a mini blow torch...maybe I can singe it just enough that it wont come back. Burn Mother Fucker Burn!!!! Peace out!
No comments:
Post a Comment