Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Dear Aunt Flow.....

Ah sadly my time off from being a monthly member of womanhood has come to an end...I gotta admit the best part of being pregnant is the whole not having a period thing....and now I'm back to reality....which I know I should have anticipated but I didn't and wasn't at all prepared for....so I spent a whole day wondering why I felt awful and just plain pissy only to wake up the next to find the red tide had come in (here I thought it was because I ate to much pizza)....I had no supplies...not a one...luckily I knew my daughter did so I ran to her bathroom to steal some...after a few minuets of digging through her glittery makeup and what seemed to be a million bottles of hair product I finally found the tampons....SCORE! Till I held it up and realized it's one of those super small ultra skinny plugs...wtf....I'm screwed again....I just gave birth to my 3rd child 8 weeks ago...there is no way in hell that little sliver of feminine product is going to work....I brought it with me anyways...and on my way back to my bathroom thought about grabbing the roll of paper towels....thinking that would be more my size...feeling sorry for myself I try to think of the positive things that having a large stretched out vagina possesses...I could store my blackberry in there..I could use it as a jello mold (oh god..just thought of that "There's always room for jello" line)....I could just have it removed and turn it into a ski hat...the possibilities are endless and really not all that wonderful...I'm now pretty much in tears...no woman wants a big cavernous whoo hah! Wwondering why I'm even bothering I insert the teeny tiny tampon...and guess what...it fucking worked!!!!!!!!!!! That's right bitches...it didnt' fall out...it didn't get lost...it worked just fine! Woot Woot! I now realize I have a magic vag....no wonder I have so many kids ;) Well gotta go...I need to do more kegels....gotta keep the love tunnel in tip top shape....Peace Out.

1 comment:

  1. Well honey.....Your "Love Muscle" still works great for me!!!!