Monday, May 23, 2011

You're Cooler Than Me....

Most days my kids drive me straight to the funny farm....but I gotta say....even with all the crazy crap they come up with I would still rather be with them instead of most adults. Grown ups are assholes....almost all of them....even I am guilty of being a douche from time to time....I know you are beyond shocked but it's true...Normally I'm such a sweet and gentle person but yes...I have my moments (like every 17 minuets)...I think I should just never leave the house or check my Facebook because there is always at least one jerkoff that will set me off....usually it's some dick I am suppose to be friends with but I'm really not... but now because we are all grown up and mature we should be nice to each other....except they are fuckfaces and anytime I try to be nice they blow me off so I wonder why I bother...or it's the uptight bitch with cheap shoes and an expensive suit at the grocery store that I am trying to warn not to step into the puddle of something that fell but when I get her attention she says something shitty was probly someone with kids (as my kids are with me) so then I explain that next time I won't bother warning her....since some pickle juice won't hurt her crappy pleather boots.
So to keep me from turning into a mass murderer I spend most of my time basking in the kingdom I have created that consists of me & the them I am THE SHIT! I mix my cereal (fruity pebbles & apple jacks), I paint their nails, we play extreme peek a boo, I dress up the cat and make him dance to Lady Gaga, we make crafts with glitter and we watch their fav movies over and over again (thank god I like kid movies) to them I effin rock I'm like Snoop Dog....everything I do is awesome .....except when it's time for naps and I say no to the third Popsicle....but for the most part we are the best of homies....I have no idea what I will do when they reach teen years and they realize I am not cool at all...I already have a child that has hit this stage in life and it sucks balls....I'm cool if I'm buying eyeliner or watching Jersey Shore but other than that I'm a life ruin-er or totally lame....too bad for her...ya get more flies (or tubes of mascara) with honey than telling Mommy what a dork she for now the little ones get spoiled and we have for the grown ups (a.k.a. bitches) they can all suck my dick....I'm sure they are having the best time being snotty and pretending they are super happy....but I get to wear a macaroni tiara and do the hokey pokey....and I wouldn't trade it for the "Likes" on Facebook....Peace Out!

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