Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Put Away Wet.....
No one ever tells you the bad things about sex....well they do...but I'm not talking about disease or unplanned pregnancy etc...I mean the other stuff....having sex is like fighting a fire...you go busting in...hose it down...and feel like a fucking superhero when its over....but what no one tells you about is after the fire is out...you gotta clean the mess up...no fun...and for women overhaul takes a lot longer..men get to rinse off their junk in the sink and put a towel over the wet spot...women clean up for the time being and then wake up to my least favorite thing ....SPERM PANTIES....yea...wet, sticky sperm panties...I don't care how much decontamination I do....there is always a reminder of the 5 alarm I took care of the night before. Now I know there are a few ways to avoid this ....obvious one....don't have sex....but I think my husband would last a week before he died....second....use a condom...but as a married woman on birth control...that's kind of retarded and no fun...everyone knows you can't be riding dirty with your seat belt on!!!! Third method....pull out...(also known as the ding dong ditch) but we know most men are really bad at this and it only maybe works if they are on top in some way shape or form....this technique can also lead to a freshly flung scrotum shake landing in unexpected places....which is very hard to explain later....and as we all know most men have bad timing so it's just not that effective and you are better off just getting butter in the bagel.
I decided there had to be a simple solution to my unnerving underpants....so I tried using a panty liner...brilliant right?...uh not so much...I guess the semen was to thick for the liner to soak up and it ended up staying on top of the liner....and then it stuck to me like a Biore pore strip...nothing like a little hair removal first thing in the morning....so then I tried a regular pad...same sorta thing...it really didn't soak all of it up and instead it sort of acted like a funnel and I ended up with a pool of boy juice at the top of my buttcrack....FAIL.....as a last resort I tried toilet paper........paper mache much???....So I guess after all that the sperm panties are not so bad....but from time to time when I know I really just don't want to wake up to some damp delicates...I fake some cramps and give him a porno worthy BJ...problem solved. Peace Out!