Checkup....checkout...check what?!

Well...I got to end my week on a high note....a visit to the OB/GYN...just to check my weight and measure my belly..nothing too crazy. I got there about 5 minuets early...and proceeded to wait about 35 minuets in their lovely yet very uncomfortable chairs untill they called me back...where of course they asked me to pee in a cup...however they were out of their normal collection cups and had these teeny tiny little water cups...like the size of jello shot holders....um...I am fucking 8 months pregnant....I can barley get my hand around my belly to hold the cup to begin with and now you think I can aim pee into that damn thing?! Needless to say I pissed all over my fucking hand....awesome....I go to wash my hands....and the soap they have has aloe in it....which to most is nice...but to me is deadly...I am allergic to aloe...sweet...oh well...urine is sterile...but just to be a dick I didn't wipe the cup off before sticking it into the little door in the wall...ha ha ha ha!!!! Don't get your panties in a bunch and think I'm mean....hello it's a little pee...these bitches look at crotches for a living...do you really think a bit of pee is the worst thing they touch all day? Anyways....the whores got me back...they left me sitting in the over heated room on the most uncomfortable table for another 20 minuets....while talking about what they were going to order for lunch....I hope whatever they ordered was cooked badly and they spend the weekend shitting themselves...anyways I was then informed that I needed to get my asshole swabed....really...are you serious??? I have had two other children and have never had my chocolate doughnut prodded by a giant q-tip...wtf...well..whatever....joke is on them...it took her some hedge clippers and a GPS to get to it cuz I have not gardened in like 2 months....and my ground cover is running wild...bye the way I Googled that anal probe thing when I got home and it's legit....so I won't be sending them a bill for 700.00...that's the going rate for an ass jump in my town...well...I shouldn't complain too much...my next visit will be worse...I get to have my cervix checked...nothing better than feeling like your being stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey....and then thunked on a place that should only be tapped by your hubby during some crazy drunk animal planet activities. Peace out...enjoy your evening...I'm going to shower and try to find a support group to help me through this emotional ordeal.