What Not To Wear...Ever....

So...I took my teen shopping the other day...some back to school stuff and some special event stuff. After hours of dressing room waiting and some really bad cheese fries I decide to pop into Macy's and buy myself something cute....but after seeing what they have decided is fashionable for fattys right now I decided that the buyer for Macy's is a fucking nutcase! Um...did you know that PONCHOS are suppose to be super hot right now??? Really??? Fat people are now so worthless you can't even sew clothes for us? You just wrap me in an eighty dollar tarp and call it a day? No one ever says Hey...look at that hot bitch in the poncho...its more like....Hey look at that tent coming at us! ... Ponchos are not a good idea people...its like putting a Kleenex on a dog turd and saying it's an accessory....
I think designers are making fun of us....you know what else I saw? Backless blouses....stupid fuck...yea everyone wants to see my back fat rolls and my bra....we chunky chicks cannot go sans bra or our gross boobies will come tumbling down and out the bottom of out shirts...well not straight down...like down and to the side...it's just not pretty... and trying to pack all that shit into a backless shirt wouldn't be either....
...and what is with the teeny tiny jackets?? I know it's all the rage for the size negative 2 crowd but um...the rest of us look like idiots...as if my chunk isn't spilling out all over the place as it is you want me to put on a jacket that is too small to emphasize it?? It's fucked up that my options are a child's size coat or a poncho.....me thinks that designers be smoking toooo much whacky cracky.....
Oh...and stop putting these clothes on" plus size models"....they consider a size 10 with a big ass plus size which means it does not translate to a size 24! Go find real fat people...there are plenty of us.....oh...why is the plus size section so small???? There are more chubby chicas willing to pay to for cute clothes and yet in a 3 story department store we get all of 5 racks....this makes no sense....
I give up....I'm destined to wear sweatpants and spanx everywhere I go....it's as sad as the boring salad I will be eating for dinner...in a small effort to see my waistline again. Thank God I'm pretty....I feel for the fat girls who have unfortunate faces....ok....totally kidding....we are all pretty with the lights off! Peace Out!