Thursday, July 1, 2010

Pick Pocketbook

Well....I'm pretty sure I win the awesome mom of the year award again....why you toddler is a criminal. Let me give you a little back story...I love to shop....I love to shop a lot...I have a problem...but I'm pretty broke most of the time so I started what I call treasure hunting....which means scouring thrift stores, garage sales and Craigslist....I buy all sorts of crap that I either turn into something else or I stock pile tons of crap just knowing one day my friend will need to buy a vintage silver purse and TA DA!!!! I just happen to have one....told you I was off....anyways....somehow in all of this I got my toddler addicted to purses and wallets and almost everytime we enter any store she picks out a purse and a wallet to carry around and if they are cheap enough she gets one....well one day I went to this shopping plaza a few cities away and was super stoked because it had a thrift shop and a Goodwill...fucking sweet!!!!! I get the double stroller out....get the kids all situated and make my way into the thrift shop....but like the second I enter the store everything goes friggen's filled with old ladies....we all know I hate old people...the place is really tiny cuz it's under construction so pushing my stretch limo of a stroller is next to impossible and the baby decided to shit her hubby who is me with finds the bathroom to change her but there is no changing table so he has to lay her on the floor on top of like a million paper towels and then proceeds to change my loudly screaming infant.....did I mention it's like 276 degrees???? The old ladies actually start pounding on the bathroom door asking if the baby is he's in there beating her and then going to tell them...No...She's bleeding to death please come back in an hour...stupid old I'm trying to maneuver the stroller around so I can just fucking leave I knock over a basket of silverware....nice we just say screw it and leave.
Assuming we will have a better time at the Goodwill we go there....yay...nice big aisles.....the air is on and there are fewer nearly dead people shuffling I start to look at stuff I realize my toddler has not started screaming for a purse so I look down to find her playing with a hot pink wallet....she catches my eye...holds up the wallet and yells "Momma look at my wallet!"....and it hits me....she shoplifted it from the thrift store....and I didn't even fucking notice!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god...I'm going to hell....not knowing what to do I grabbed it from her and shoved it in my purse....which caused her to start yelling for purses.....sigh.
Now this is not her first time getting a five finger discount....when she was like 10 months old she stole a tape measure from a certain store that sells lumber and tools etc....we found it in her fluffy seat cover thing after we were in the'm pretty sure she's a career criminal. I really hope my oldest daughter marries a lawyer (because she plans on being a plastic surgeon so she will be to busy to become one herself) my toddler will most likely need the services of an experienced attorney....
Oh bye the way I went back to the thrift myself...and stuck money into the donation jar....the wallet was too cute to return...they made like a 50 percent profit on I don't feel too horrible :) Well...better go....gotta hit the Salvation Army....there's a sale on green tag items! No worries...."Winona" will be home with her big sissy....Peace out.

1 comment:

  1. Love thrift shops The one on University Drive and almost 301 in Bradenton is the shit :). Its as big as a Marshalls another on of my favorite stores