Friday, June 4, 2010
....When you have a handful of kids...two of which are under the age of 3 and insist on sleeping with you....it really does not leave a lot of extra time for nookie....however...last night I got lucky...ha get it?? It was like 1AM and both little ones were actually in their own beds...woot woot....time for some sweet sweet hurry up quietly before one of the babies wakes up naughty monkey love.....and it was just the way I like it....me go twice and then finish him off!!!!....but....currently we are using the oh so brilliant pull out method....shut up don't judge me....my Mirena fell the fuck out and I can't remember to take the pill....so we are back to something I would never advise to any of my children.....in fact it's the reason one of my kids is even here....well...back to my story....I skamper off to the bathroom to clean up and I notice my teen is still awake....oh flippen hell...yea her bedroom door is open and TV is still on...wtf....she is never awake at this hour...so I quick grab a towel and run back to my room....I do a quick wipe down, throw my jammies back on and fall asleep. Around 3AM I have to pee....but I'm soooo tired....I try to ignore it but then I get afraid of pissing myself during a bad dream or something so I decide to just go tinkle and get it over with....I get in, shut the door and pull down my shorts....FFFFUUUUUCCCKKKK!!!!!!! Oh my god....did I just get a Brazilian wax???? Apparently I didn't get all the jizz off my bush before I put my panties on....and now I'm on my knees in the bathroom...face against the wall, tears in my eyes trying to not to scream......after I calm down and the pain has slightly decreased I crawl up onto the potty....I look down to see that my undies now look like a god damn Chia Pet! I don't even feel like dealing with them so I just take them off and throw them out.....they were ugly old grannies anyways...at least they went out with a bang....I go back to bed and make a few mental notes....get on some better birth control and first thing in the morning get the hedge clippers out and trim my vag! Well better go...I need to get an ice pack out of the freezer....my whoo hah is still throbbing....but.....not from the hair removal ;).....ya'll are jealous and you know it! Peace out!