Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Bathroom Bummers

So I acquired this cat...and he's awesome....however... he has this quirk...if there is even one turd in his cat box he will no longer poop in it....so...still needing to crap he decides to go dump somewhere else...usually somewhere really awesome like next to my bed or in the sink....and at first this kinda pissed me off....till I realized that this is not abnormal at all because if I needed to go drop a deuce and someone had left a floater for me I would be highly annoyed!!!!! I too would find another place to unload my sha-doub...ya'll know what I mean...you go into the bathroom at Target or something and your Starbucks has just kicked in and you have to venti your mocha chino....you push open a stall door and BLAH a giant poop slurrie in the bowl....no effin thanks...so now you scoot two doors down and find some nasty whore left a tampon in that one....two doors down again and thank God a clean one....you skamper in to find the friggen door doesn't lock but your turtle head is about to see daylight so you decide drop trow and try to hold the door shut with your leg....that's when the fire typhoon comes blazing out of your ass along with a fart parade to the tune of 76 Trombones.....and at this point you could care the fuck less who hears because that whole mess could have been in let free your capri pants...the only thing that now separates me from the picky pussycat is he can shit on the rug by the front door and I can't....well that and I clean my butthole with extra soft toilet paper instead of my tongue....well gotta go....I'm gathering my pennies so I can purchase one of those self cleaning cat boxes that rakes the tootsie rolls up after each use....and perhaps one of those extend a hand gadgets to flush the potty for me if there are any unavailable clean potties next time I'm out and about to shit myself. Peace out!

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