Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Quick Like A Bunny

Ok...am I really the only woman out there that is not into having marathon sex??? I read all these articles and hear all the talk about chicks that need all sorts of time in bed....and then there is me...I don't mind the whole fooling around part with the kissing and teasing and playing but when it comes to doing the deed I am all about hitting it hard and fast then going to bed. I don't understand wanting to ride the pogo stick for long amounts of time....are you not afraid of getting a calloused vagina???? lol Maybe it's just that my hubby knows how to work it out....between the motion of his juicy Italian sausage and his mammoth jingle bells slapping all the right spots of my Christmas cookie....maybe I just don't need the effort other people do to get off....plus I know how to work my vagina too....a little squeezy squeezy here a shift to the left and it's BOOM SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM...nails come out like a cat...names are getting yelled out and a nice sticky mess is just awaiting for my leg when I go to sleep to remind me of what a damn good time I just had....
I think boinking spree's are more for people without children.....it's all good when you don't have to sneak in a game of ring around the rosey during nap time or an eight second bull ride before the second feeding in the middle of the night..heaven forbid the kids are awake and you're in the closet trying not to bruise a hip against the shoe rack.... then trying to explain to your teen how you got a "toothpaste" stain on the back of your t-shirt and Daddy can't find his belt that he lost while trying to change a light bulb....then they look at you like your a giant fucking pervert and ask to go see a therapist....next thing you know your yelling that Momma has needs and if you damn kids were not so stressful I wouldn't need to have a release like that in the middle of the day!!! ...lol jk that last part hasn't happened yet...ha ha ha....anyways... it's not that I don't like the act of sex I just like to get to the good stuff....I also think maybe my tunnel of love might be more sensitive then others....cuz when it's good...it's soooooo good and when it's bad (like in the case of a few exes) it's really really bad and I don't want to even be there...and I start getting bitchy and wish I could go watch a movie..... we all know how I feel about being with someone who sucks between the sheets.....it's only a matter of time before their jokes get old and the batteries die in the vibrator and a new more interesting penis comes along....but that's another story....
I think maybe if I didn't have to worry about kids and if I could get some sleep.... I would hang in for a few more rounds....but with the life we lead I fully believe the quickie was invented for me. I mean how else are you going to get it done during half time of a Gator game???? Maybe when I'm 60 and the kids are all gone I can work on my stamina or learn tantra techniques or something but for now it's Hit Me With Your Best Shot....Well...gotta go...all the kids are either busy or sleeping...gonna go rub one out for my hubby :) Peace out!

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