Poop...not just a funny word

Holy cow...for about an hour today I could not believe my damn bad luck...now that I have had a moment to reflect it's sorta funny and I thought I'd share it with ya'll....so...my hubby just walks out the door and the baby wakes up to eat....no worries I have a bottle ready and a talk show on and for a very brief moment the toddler is occupied...I start feeding my new little addition and all of a sudden I get diarrhea...I have no time no warning...nothing....I had to jump up and race to the potty while holding my newborn and bottle....by some crazy miracle I was able to wriggle my pants down and get my butt on the toilet in time for all hell to come flying out of my ass!!!!!! However there I was on the bowl holding a now crying newborn and wondering if I was going to die....I called for my toddler to come and asked her if she could get Mommy the car seat...she ran off and I wondered if she would even return....now in tears I picture her in her older sisters room applying makeup and coloring on the walls...I didn't know what to do and just sat there and resumed feeding my newborn and burping her...this was a most tragic scene....then all of a sudden I hear my toddler coming and dragging something she's yelling "I got it Momma I got it"....holy moly she had the car seat! I told her she was awesome and thanked her....she quickly went into my room yelling "oooohhhh no Momma is yucky!"....well yea....it was not pleasant....but I really didn't need the insult to injury at the moment....but hey..she's just a little kid. I get the baby in the seat and am able to finish my business and light a match.....wash my hands and return to my spot on the couch with my girls. Whew...or so I thought...at that second my toddler decides to pinch me and yell something about me being stupid....hmmmm.....I glance at the clock and realize it's nap time so I decide not to get to offended and get her into bed....now once again I resume my spot on the sofa and try to feed my infant...thinking some nice quiet time just us will be nice....oh...but no...she shits her pants now...the kind that comes out the side of the diaper and onto my arm....fucking awesome!!!! We go and get all cleaned up and as I am about to close her new diaper she decides to pee all over the place....it's on her legs and her belly and now on my bed too....sweet....I just start laughing...I'm like really....now what...is my hair going to start on fire too???? I take her to the sink and rinse her off...get her diapered and try one last time for that spot on my couch....ahhhh...finally I get to feed her...burp her and get her to sleep....I need a shower and a glass of wine....but...alas I hear my toddler starting to stir so maybe next year for that....lol. Hope ya'll have a great day...or at least one with normal bowel movements. Peace out.