Monday, May 21, 2012

Chores Make Me Buggy

Well...I'm pretty sure I need to start buying lotto tickets....I need funds to pay for a maid....preferably a hot male maid that looks killer in a pair of Levis and a wife beater...why do I need this maid???? because it has been proven once AGAIN that I am not meant to do housework. The weather has been exceptional lately and so I decided to start hanging my laundry on the line again. I usually don't mind doing wastes neighbors think I'm sorta domestic and it gets me outside and off my usual place on the couch. So I wash a nice big load of towels....drag them up from the basement and out to the backyard....I grab my first clothespin and HOLY MOTHER FUCKER!!!! A friggen spider crawls out from the pin and across my hand! I yelled several somewhat understandable obscenities (son of a cock mun...geez a fuck....crap crap crap uh fuckball!) while running in a circle like an idiot and tossing the clothes pin into the neighbors yard.....WINNING!!!! After a few moments I regained my composure and tried it that one had a spider web in did the next several...I decided to just dump the bag of pins on the ground and what looked like a million spiders (for real it was like 13 but anything over 2 is a million when talking about spiders) went scurrying away. I puked a little. Then I got myself a gin and tonic. This was not going to be my day of domestic divaness and I was all out of fucks to give for the day. Later I found the courage (pretty sure it was the cheap ass gin I'm so fond of) and picked up my pins but now....yet another chore will require booze or some form of anti psychotic. Wish me luck. Peace Out!


  1. HAHAHAAHAHA! Seriously, I can't say this enough, you are bloody hilarious.

    Of course if that had been me, I would have gnawed my hand off at the wrist. As it is, I woke up to find one working it's way towards my face. I think I set a world record for the most use of the C word, in under a minute.

    1. Lily! I love when you make me feel so clever. LOL Plus I love your work as well!!!!