Happy Happy Joy Joy...Not So Much

Ever have a bad person day?? A day when you are unusually shitty? I am kind of dickhead most of the time but even I have super crap moments....like this morning. I ran (drove....not ran...my fat ass hasn't moved faster then a slight jog in 6 years) to a store to grab some pull ups and a few things for dinner....as I am strolling along, looking at the cute stuff in the girls department I step on my own foot....not just a little tap....like I slammed down on my right foot like it was a fucking cockroach!!!! It hurt really really bad and I yelped out in pain....however...instead of saying something like OUCH....I screamed, SON OF A FUCK!!!! Yep....it was loud and awful....but that wasn't the really bad part. As I was trying to compose myself some little snarky girl decided to tell me that I said a bad word....and since I was already a little aggravated I sort of told her "yes, yes I did and you know what else?? Santa hates prissy little shits." .... her mom gasped, grabbed her daughter and walked off...which was great because I fully deserved an ass beating....at least I got to continue my shopping without a bloody nose....
Then what I hate the most happened...bad customer service...the cashier decided to talk to her loser boyfriend the entire time I was at the register....so in retaliation once she was done I told her that I did not want paper bags and that she need to rebag them. She looked at me like a was the biggest bitch in the world....so I mentioned to the lady behind me that if she had been doing her job instead of mingling with the scumbag next to her I would have been able to relay that information sooner. So she switched the bags out and in a sarcastic tone told me to have a nice day....I smiled....and told her "and you try not to breed". (I just know her idiot boyfriend in the pot leaf hoodie is still trying to figure out what that means)
Oh...wait....one last not so nice thing on this shopping adventure...as I am loading my things into the car some fucknut parks his car and turns on his blinker....I guess he wanted my spot....which was dumb because I was in the back of the lot...maybe it was sentimental or something....like the fist place he whacked off to a Victoria's Secret catalogue or something....but it annoyed me....so I finished unloading the cart...then returned the cart to cart holder thing....stopped and gave the still waiting douchebag a thumbs up...got in my car...started to pull out then....pulled back in. Did this about 3 more times till he honked....that's when I shut the car off....got out and told him suck my dick ( while making an awful gesture that I am not going to describe to you because it was not in anyway shape or form something anyone should ever do) He finally left. I did too....feeling oddly great....some days you just need to be a prick. I fully believe it keeps me from stabbing people in the kidney with an ice pick. Now, go be a shitface to someone....you just might be saving a life. Peace Out!