Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Midnight Snack

As a tired mom...no nothing has changed there. Still a mom and still tired. Now to up the ante I now have a diabetic. Just a few short months ago my middle child...was diagnosed with T1D. I'm sure you will see more posts regarding that. For the sake of this one...it means waking up at 2am to check her blood....praying that there aren't corrections to be made....that she's all good and we can sleep. Some nights we are not so fortunate...like last night. I check her...she's low....I give her juice and crackers- while this is all going on the cat, Big Fluff decides he is going to weave around my ankles and push into me. No not to show me love or support....I know him all to well...it's to let me know he wants food. I need to wait 15 min to recheck my T1 Diva so I go and inspect his food....he literally prances along next to me with excitement.- His bowl is "empty" ....not like there is nothing in it....like he took 5 whole morsels out of one side and has determined that it is now empty. Really?? Okay...fine I will feed you....mostly so that you will leave me alone when I go back to poke at my kiddo again. Here's where shit gets real. He sees me going for the bag...and he stretches his neck up real high like he's seeing God or something and is in pure amazement.....he hears me digging with the cup and he drops to the floor... BAM!!...drag queen death drop style. As I walk back to the food dish he starts rolling around like a stripper on the stage of seedy truck stop strip club and it's the day before rent is due....legs all stretched out and up in the air. Are you kidding me?....Have some class Fluff. As I get closer you can actually hear him start to purr....what a little food slut....and as I go to pour the food into his dish....WHACK!!!! He headbutts my hand the food falls out all over the place!!!!! Annoyed and tired I yell at him.... "FASSHOLE!" ....yep fasshole.... I friggen combined the words...Fat Asshole...not on purpose ..which really kinda pissed me off. Not only was your dish not anywhere near empty yet you pretend to love me for food....you charm your way into getting me to feed you at 2am ..you roll around like Craigslist hooker and then you have the balls to knock the shit out of my hand so you can start to gobble down your meow mix like those weirdos at the Nathan's hotdog eating contests....I'm so annoyed that I can't even speak words.....FASSHOLE! I wanted to rub his head in his food and ask him....Is this what you like??? But it seemed a little much and sorta pervy. I contemplated a drink but I had to get up in 3 hours and still have a kid to tend to....so Like A Boss...I cleaned up the spilled meow mix and told him I liked Dita better (our other asshole cat)....showed him right? Sigh. I know by design I'm supposed to be cat lady...but sometimes I really hate them. BTW....an hour later my Darling Diabetic finally was stable enough for me to go back to sleep.....where I laid there listening to my FASSHOLE cat snore and plotted my revenge.....Unicorn Costume! Mwahahahaha! Peace Out.

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