Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I See London.....

You know how life sometimes gets away from you? Like one week everything is fine and you have your routine down but then out of the blue a kid is sick and a car is broke down and the next thing you know everything else is out of control? Well this happens to me all the time....I feel the more children, pets and vehicles you have the chances of your living a smooth life are greatly diminished. My life is almost always one big hot mess....however I am usually pretty good at treading water but not so long ago I had a little bit of a wake up call...and I was told loud and clear to never let the laundry be last on you list. Yea....it had gotten so bad that I was pretty much out of underpants and I was forced to dig to the back corner of my unmentionables drawer and find the sexy, lacy, gonna get me some thongs...yikes. I have not attempted wearing these in like 3 years......and at first I was sort of excited to prance around in them thinking oohhh I might feel a little extra naughty today....but by the time I got downstairs and out the door I was unhappy....I have been pregnant twice since their last appearance and well...lets just say they don't fit the same way anymore. It was like trying to smoke a cigarette after years of quiting....it sounds wonderful and you can't wait for that first drag but then you find your self choking to death and wondering what the fuck you were thinking.....except in my case the circulation to my left ass cheek was cut off and my fat roll fell over the front of them making them feel and look like an expensive purple tourniquet.....not attractive...at all....not even a little...the only thing less sexy was the very deep very red imprint they left across the top of my stretch marks when I finally got to peel them off of me....talk about unleashing the Kraken! I need to send them to a war camp as a torture device. Trust me a day in those God awful things and we will know exactly where Bin Laden is located. So just to be sure that I will never ever ever ever be forced to don those evil, pain inflicting knickers again...I tossed them in the diaper bucket....I will stick to my granny style undies....which bye the way I am renaming Mommy Panties cuz my grandmother didn't wear that kind...hers were like an early form of Spanx....it helped keep her hernia in place....smoking hot I know. How she wasn't knocking moccasins with Grandpa all the time is beyond me ;) Well I'm off...gotta get some fabric softener....don't even get me started on how cardboard stiff panties are not a girls best friend. Peace Out!

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