I'm A Lita Ford Wannabe

I have decided on a new goal....first...I want to have this baby.....and then by this time next year get into shape....well as good as this fat, stretched out body can get....I have not really been in good physical condition since 1995....and I know there are few things that won't get back to normal...but I'm not concerned that's nothing a little duct tape and some bungee cords can't hide. Anyways...once back to a weight that is safe for elevators and park benches I'm going to the other coast and having my girl Nicole (www.nicolepattersonhairandmakeup.com & www.betheblushingbride.com) do a total 80's glam rock makeover....complete with photo shoot....yep...I want to look like the chicks from Vixen......big hair, way too much makeup, high heels with leg warmers and leather stretch pants. Why the 80's you ask....because the sex symbols of this day and age just suck....there is no imagination behind the hotness....ultra blonde hair, knee high socks and a voice like a child prostitute....yea that's right I'm talking about The Girls Next Door....and let's face it....a vag flash is not sexy....it's trashy.....not that I don't enjoy a few trashy moments....but sometimes I would rather be craved and not just jacked off to...plus if Paris Hilton has done it....well then I just don't want anything to do with it....she's what made me hate chihuahuas....ok I don't hate chihuahuas....but I won't carry one on the red carpet....which in my world means parent pickup.