I Could Just Shit...

So...I'm watching Bubble Guppies with my young children and my grand babies and this La La Loopsy commercial comes on. Cool. I love those dolls. Some of them are pretty rad.....right??? NOPE...like NOPE. This particular doll.....SHITS OUT A CHARM! THEN YOUR CHILD TAKES IT OUT OF IT'S PANTS AND WEARS THE FUCKING CHARM! Are you kidding me?!!!!!!???? What kind of 50 shades of fetish bullshit is with this? What friggen dumbasses at the LalaLoopsy factory thought this was a brilliant idea....no one along the way said..hey this is gross and kinky as fuck and we should all get canned for even thinking it's ok. Let's think back here....remember when they wanted to take the drunks and wenches out of the Pirates Of The Caribbean ride at Disney? I guess so that young, impressionable children wouldn't think it's ok to grow up to be drunk whores or something.....but hey....digging for things to wear out of some steaming, hot shit....now that's totally ok. WTF. Obviously Susie The Charm Crapper will not be on the list for Santa this year..... neither will the wiener dog game that apparently takes a dump on the board. What happened to thing's like pick up sticks...not that my demon spawn even pick up their room much less a bunch of pointy damn sticks I just paid $7.99 for. Perhaps the answer is....wine...lots of cheap boxed wine (for me not the kids you idiot) Because...well I loved those dirty wenches at Disney!!!! Peace Out!

I Don't Like It...Icky

I is for Icky Things.....I find all sorts of things to be icky. I have already blogged about most of them but there is always something new to gross me out....here is a short list that quickly comes to mind. Women who wear flesh colored stretch pants....well dudes too....I don't care what body type you have...it's not flattering. Please refrain. Guys who drop their nuts on other guys...I blame the Jackass crew for this fad...it is not funny....just stop you sick sick fucks. When my dog eats my tampons.... Port O Potties.... Women who wear those big, knee high boots, with their jeans all tucked in. You look like Peter Pan...plus that is a lot of work to get off..your pussy better be worth the work...plus I bet your feet smell now.....it's just ICKY! The cast of Jersey Shore... Uncircumcised penises..... & sardines.... What do y'all find to be ICKY??? Peace Out!

Counting Sheep...Sort Of

Don't you hate when you can't fall asleep and the weirdest, random shit pops up in your head? Does this even happen to anyone else or is it just me with some form of Adult ADHD?? Anyways...I was tired...like balls tired but could not fall asleep and all of a sudden I was like, I haven't seen my cupcake maker...I wonder where it is. Then my thoughts just spiraled all over the place.... Why haven't I seen my cupcake maker? Did it make the move? (I hear a big truck outside) Oh fuck I bet my cupcake maker is a transformer! It would have to be a girl one because it's pink. There is only one girl transformer right??? I will Google it in the morning. That's so sexist... Michael Bay is going to get a Tweet from me bout it! Wait did Michael Bay even do those movies...is that even his name? I will IMDB it in the morning too. Fuck I'm so hungry...I want a peanut butter sandwich. Not going in the kitchen....other shit might be transformers too. I wonder what other appliances are...I hope it's not the toaster oven..that would freak me out. I bet my stupid phone is a transformer too and that's why I can't find that fucker from time to time. Oh my god, If my phone is a transformer I will never be president...all my FB updates, tweets, texts, emails....it thinks I'm a perv! I still really want a sandwich. Too tired to brave the kitchen. I wish I had a cat.... Why was the only girl transformer such a whore??? I bet my cupcake maker is out whoring around too... Where do transformers go to party? (I hear a sound...don't be the kids...don't be the kids...shit I better go check....no idea) Damn...while I was up I should have made a sandwich. I bet my phone when it transforms hides my flip flops on me....fucker. My flat iron obviously is the worst transformer ever....it can hardly heat up anymore...POS. I need to shave my legs. Whoa...how scary would it be if my EpiLady was a transformer??? Why am I even thinking about transformers? Oh...yea..Signs was on earlier.....I think I could maybe handle aliens if they were transformers. They don't seem like they are interested in butt rape. I think it would be cool if those Barbie Jeeps were transformers and then beat the crap out of bullies. Mac and cheese sounds good. And then I fell asleep. I think I should have just had a glass of wine and watched Pitch Perfect again. Peace Out.