N

N is No Show....I just couldn't get conjure up a decent N theme. I guess my creative juices are depleting. No good. Sorry for the disappointing post.

M

M is for Mystery. I just finished a book...obviously a mystery. Before I Go To Sleep...by S.J. Watson. I normally do not do book reviews because...I normally do not make time to read. However this one was highly recommended so I said what the heck. On a scale of 1 to 5....1 being absolute shit and 5 being amazing I give this a 3.5. 98 percent of this book was soooooooo great....I couldn't put it down. I was however not so pleased with the last few pages. It didn't end with the same pizazz as the rest of the book. I had questions that were not answered etc etc....BUT I also am giving the author some leeway since it's his first novel. I totally recommend it as a read and I hope Watson will pen another book.

L

L is for Lust. One of the seven deadly sins....and probably one of the most fun. Who doesn't want to be doesn't wanted to be desired???? Granted....if it's from creepo in the 3rd cubicle it might be a little scary... but tell me your downstairs doesn't get all hot and bothered when you know that someone has been picturing you during morning masturbation? Hopefully it's your spouse or significant other but hey....some folks can't be picky.

I totally understand strippers and porn stars....it's gotta be a total high knowing that people think about you while they bang their frumpy, less then fun wives later...plus it must make you want to bring your A game when you do hit the sheets with someone....you want to live up to the hype. You can't just go through the motions...it's gotta be the whole deal...the scent, the sweat the ravaging that all leads to the mind blowing almost out of body explosion of pleasure that now all other sexual experiences will be compared to and can only be described as a scene from movie. All of that can be accomplished but you need to have confidence.....the sexiest thing a person can have is confidence. Easier said then done??? Yea....it is....take baby steps...get a new outfit, read something, take a class...anything to make you feel better about you...the next thing you know other people will want to feel you too ;) Peace Out!

Kinky & Delicious

K is for Kumquat. A kum what?? A kumquat....it's a small fruit that grows on a darling little tree. I didn't know that....but when I moved to FL I had one of these darling trees in my front yard and had no clue what it was. I finally asked the neighborhood know it alls what it was. Not only did they tell me it was a kumquat tree but also when it was planted and to watch out because the old man next store wakes up early to come and steal the fruit (he also stole my grapefruit too...till I put a fence up).

So later that day when my then husband came home I told home that we were the proud owners of a kumquat tree...he started laughing....I'm asked what was so funny....he said "I always thought a kumquat was a bad name you called a slutty girl". I told him he was thinking of twat...but now I tend to say kumquat....it's funny as hell.

I have heard girly bits referred to as fruit names before....peach, star fruit, ugly fruit and kiwi...so we can just add kumquat to the list. I gotta say...I don't get the kiwi thing...it's not sexy at all. If my lady parts were green and littered with seeds I would so be at the vagina doctor....just saying.

Well better go....I gotta make a fruit salad for a bbq tomorrow and now I have to find some fruits that don't make me think of a hoo haw....Peace Out!

Just Dance....

J is for Jazz Hands. Am I the only middle aged momma who dances in her mini van? I don't see other people rolling their windows down and jamming to Maroon 5 as hard as I do. Granted while driving I only sing but if I'm at a stoplight....I'm gonna bring it. I am pretty sure it's just cuz I'm a bad mother fucker and everyone else wants to be me....but I have been told by a few family members that I am just off my rocker. They can suck it...I have fun...and since I spend by day filling sippy cups and trying to keep crayon off the walls (which BTW is a futile task) the only time I get to bust a move is in my vehicle. I certainly am to old for clubbing...plus early 20ish people in bars annoy the hell out of me...too many OMGs and STDs roaming around. Yuck.

So....until my days in an old folks home where we can do the hokey pokey at noon right before bingo....I guess I will keep raising the roof in my mom mobile. And...until the other drivers learn how to merge correctly...I will not be keeping my spirit finger to myself ;) Well..gotta go...I need to run to Target for some PullUps...time to release my inner Lady Gaga. Peace Out!

There Is No I In Team...

I is for Inbred. I got the opportunity to go to my first MLB game yesterday....and as I was sipping my overpriced beers and eating some bomb diggity mini donuts I noticed that the hoards of people walking along all looked related. I couldn't tell one from the other....everyone had the same hair, build and glasses etc. Heck I could hardly tell the men form the chicks....well...there were a few stand out hooker looking women...but...I'm fairly certain the entire state is inbred. It was like being in private school all over again...everyone was related somehow and I just didn't fit in. At least at the game....I could legally drink booze.

I am not a big baseball fan...I'm more of a football girl so I had a hard time figuring out what was going on....after loads of stupid questions I was able to enjoy it more but I still don't understand why it takes so long....they wait more then they play...and why are there no cheerleaders???? and why don't they make the ball easier to see??? It should be hot pink or something. And what's with the dorky team names???? Who is intimidated by a Sock, Angel or Cardinal....sports are about beating the shit out of the other team and you wanna come at em with a Bluebird on your shirt??? Are you fucking kidding me?? Well...what do I know....I didn't even know there wasn't a half time. Baseball is not the suckiest sport to watch but it's one of the slowest....it's right up there with golf....another sport that needs some slutty cheerleaders..Can I get an AMEN?!

Will I attend another MLB game? IDK....my heart belongs to college football...(Go Gators) but thousands of married cousins can't all be wrong....maybe I will catch another afternoon at the park field thingy. Peace Out!

Oh...wait...speaking of inbred....my cat is inbred...look!

Habitually Late

H is for Hide & Go Seek....I'm pretty sure that is why my H post is late....it was hiding. OR it could be for Home Opener....I was at the baseball game and forgot to post it. You pick. Either way....sorry...I will try to rock the I post...but no promises. Peace Out.