Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Ever have one of those shitty days? Yesterday was one of mine....and by shitty I mean...I stuck my finger in poop...twice....before lunch. The first time....I went to look down the back of my baby's diaper and stuck my finger knuckle deep in turd. What a glorious feeling....nothing like warm wet soft poop all up under your fingernail...bleh...then the second time...I was stuffing a stray wipey into a diaper and somehow stuck my finger in the poop again....but hey that's life as a mom. BUT....the poop wouldn't leave me alone....I had just put the baby down for a nap and was walking by some toys when I saw something weird in the sink of the play kitchen....I walk over and realize its.....you guessed it....poop. WTF....not just any poop....it's cat poop....I'm sick to my stomach....did the kids play with it it??? How did it get there???....Did my jerkoff cat perch his fat orange ass on my children's toys and take a dump?? I grab a tissue and grab up the turd....now here is where it gets really gross....as I'm inspecting the dropping (yes I check poop...you never know what kids/cats swallow) I notice pieces of a worm on it!!!!!! OH MY BLOODY HELL!!!!!! I'm almost vomiting on the way to the trash...I break open the turd and there is like millions of tiny worm bits! Now I'm wicked freaked out.....which quickly turns to sadness as I'm bleaching the bejesus out of play kitchen.....my poor infested cat :(....I better call a vet....oh geez...like I really need all this going on....I hope the kids don't get sick because of it....I'm now throwing away the paper towels and I get a glimpse of a candy wrapper on the floor next to the garbage....um....hmmm.....what is this???? It's a fucking Mounds Bar wrapper....you know coconut with chocolate on it.....which chewed up and spit out into a play sink by a small child resembles a cat turd! Holy balls....I feel so much better now....however just to be safe I dig the poop out of the garbage and sniff it....no smell....so I run to the basement and check the turds in the litter box.....no worms. I'm sure glad I didn't go to college and get some amazing job.....I might be working in some gorgeous office making tons of money and paying maids to do all this ultra fabulous stuff that I do everyday.....I love the mom gig (most days) but I could stand to take a break from feces from time to time. Well...gotta go....my toddler has some training pants on backwards....this will not end well. Peace Out!